Sunday, August 31, 2008

Look at this face
I know the years are showin
Look at this life
I still dont know where its going

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

Look at these eyes
They never seen what mattered
Look at these dreams
So beaten and so battered

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

So many questions
Still left unanswered
So much
Ive never broken through

And when I feel you near me
Sometimes I see so clearly
The only truth I've ever known
Is me and you

Look at this man
So blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul
Still searching for salvation

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

I dont know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All I need to know

I dont know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All there is to know

----------------------------------

Just read the papers with regards to ragging getting a lil too sexual. I must admit that it did leave a lil lump in my throat. No, not that I was extremely sad about the moral values of youths these days, neither was is due to the love that I somehow, must have in me, deep deep deep down in my heart, for the country and thus feeling sultra depressed that youths these days no longer know the line for games and that they don't know how to "let the light pass through". Felt a lil something when I was reading it. I must say that I don't really want to know what happens during ragging but yet, in some secluded corner of my brain, the cells are constantly screaming for information about this very special form of introduction to uni life. No wonder they say that uni's hard! It's not difficult to understand why, given the type of games they play in the campus. It really isn't rocket science to figure out why NUS has so many exciting and juicy and also raunchy news popping out every once in a while, much to surprise of Jamie Yeo who thinks that it's just us Singaporeans making a mountain out of a mole-hole.

Yes no doubt we've over-reacted a lil. But then again, isn't that better than to see it as, "Oh, it's just another one of those passing phases in the youths' lives. No biggie." Utter rubbish! 21st century or not, the very fact that we're from the East means that we ought to have that lil trait that sets us apart from the West. It's tomfoolery to say that we should be more open minded and be like the West! Since when does being like the West equals being more open-minded? I guess Hollywood must be really glad that she has the whole world in her palm, controlling their every thoughts about life and how one should conduct himself. This moral degradation and mortification's remains all too clear to be seen. It's distressing.

I have no idea what you went through during ragging. Maybe you enjoyed it, maybe you didn't. Or maybe you didn't even participate in it. I'm not too sure. But regardless, it's a whole different thing being in uni and army, so much so that both will never be able to fully understand what the other goes through in both places. I guess that's why relationships die-off during this rather, turbulent period, well at least that's for the guys. Ha. It really isn't surprising to hear of friends getting attached just 3 weeks into the new school term. It really isn't. Afterall, it's uni.

-js-

Monday, August 11, 2008

It's been a long time since I last booked-in to Bedok Camp, seeing familiar faces like, Sgt Ser Guan, the ever nice APS (really la..) or the newly promoted Cpt Ng. Been attending Class 2B bike course since I donno, 5th August? Somewhere there. Blame it on my softness but it's been quite an emotional course so far, at least for me. It seems like I take setbacks harder than anyone else. I'm not very sure why, but that's how badly I take things. I'm not really sure if it's because I'm not really used to not being better than others but I presume it has lots to do with the way I was brought up.

Well, you see, I was brought up in such a way that deemed average isn't good enough and neither was "Better than others". But instead, only by being "The Best" would be good enough.

Got chided countless of times, been scolded dozens and dozens of F-yous all by the same person. It's not hard to tell why I feel that I'm like a target for him. Really depressing, or should I say, depressed. It's been quite a long time since I last hated every single day of my life. It's not that I don't want to learn but rather, it's because I'm slow when it comes to such things. I mean, I'm really not the type for motorcycles and all these "less-than-very-safe" machines. Call me a coward, call me a nerd, like what Kenneth said, or call me a hermit. Not that I want to be a nerd, but it's just that I really don't like the idea of not being "safe". But Ken asked me a very good question, "So, how did you do the heli repelling?" Haha. Honestly, I have no idea. Call me a very cowardly Guardsman if you like. I don't really care, but I just, yea. It's quite hard to imagine me doing unsafe stuff. I guess it's because I've been too sheltered and protected, like a lil foetus. I donno.

Had this very mean and evil thought during lunch, which was after practical lesson. I suddenly wanted to have someone there for me, like you know, hear me whine and all and have the person say very sweet nothings to make my day a better one. Then I thought, I need a girlfriend. Then I thought again, wake up! That's the biggest reason that I detest to why one needs a girlfriend! And to think I had that thought when I was at my weakest, or one of my lowest points. I describe it as a sin. Yea.

And now, I suddenly remember what Kor told me last time when I had to talk to him regarding relationship issues. He said, 90% of relationships end during NS because the guys have no idea what the girls go through in uni and the type of guys that they meet and how frantic uni's life is and girls have no idea what guys go through in NS and how stressful and taxing it can be. And not to mention, it's quite hard to the guys to be there for the girls when they need someone and vice-versa. Point taken? Yea. It's really quite hard I guess? I donno. Maybe that's why I don't really expect anything apart from breakdown in relationships. Or maybe I expect nothing much from anyone anymore, especially if it's regarding er, ya. I call it a bonus. Afterall, there really aren't any contracts signed or promises made. So I guess that's why I hardly promise people these days, especially since how I've seen how promises can be so easily broken. That's why I say, just concentrate on living your life and not make people's life difficult. If they're busy, then yup! Live your own life! =)

My sanctuary's no longer the same without, yea.

-js-