Tuesday, July 31, 2007

If missing you is a crime,
I’m in the death row.
If caring for you is a disease,
I’m in ICU and,
If liking is a sin,
I just bought the first ticket to hell.

-js- Want to know the distance of 2cm? Ask me. I'll tell you it means a potentially extra 2 months of NS. Freak. Oh my goodness can? 2cm!! Argh. And to make things worse, my jump's getting from bad to worse. Really can't stand it. Been jumping everyday, asking Ganaesh to look at my form and jumping technique. Argh. Just hope I can jump that extra 2cm on Friday. Gosh.

Anyway, school's been rather hectic. Not sure what I'm doing, feeling rather burnt these days. Lack of sleep? Not very sure. Tired. That's for sure.

-js-

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Images of the slideshow keep running through my mind. My day was effectively destroyed even before school started. But then again, who can I blame? The other 2? No I can't. Myself? Most probably I suppose. I guess it takes more than courage to say,"Okay, let's move on from here." It takes, not only courage, and when I say courage, I mean lots and lots and lots of courage, and also lots of pride. It's not easy to let things go or at least, attempt to let things go.

Life really isn't fair. But then again, who ever said that life is fair? When people say,"Wah lao, really damn unfair la! I study so hard still like that!" or "Wah lao! I do so much for him/her, but he/she still don't like me. No fair la!" Ever asked yourself if you saw yourself reaching the final destination of things? Or if you even knew that it was all going to end and that whatever you did was right, in the first place? Or that what you've been doing was for the better of everyone and that it was what you had to do? Or that what you've been doing was in fact, correct and on the right track? Or that you really did spend time and effort, sweat and maybe a lil drop of blood or two, just so as to make things that lil bit better? If you didn't, then please don't ever say life is unfair.

We all say that life is unfair when we don't see our efforts getting recognized. Yes, that's a big enough reason for us to rant away like Bosola, and be a malcontent. It's in human nature that we want to get what we deserve. But then, how'd you what you deserve for your actions? Are you so sure that what you've been doing's the right thing to do? Have you been studying the correct way? Have you been doing the right questions for the exams? Have you been really concentrating during your study period? Have you even been doing the right things when courting someone? Have you been thinking of whether or not what you're doing, is right? If not, please don't ever say life is unfair.

I'm not trying to prove that my life is indeed unfair. 'cos that's not my point. Let's just be perfectly honest around here. 1 month to the end of my term and I screwed it all up. I only had 1 last project left and I screwed it all up. I lost friends 'cos of it, I lost respect 'cos of it, I even lost the dignity 'cos of it. I lost my future 'cos of it. I lost almost everything that I was proud of 'cos of it. Now then, would I not be in a better position to say, life is unfair? I don't get to attend Honours Night 'cos of 5 secs of my life. I don't get recognition on my CV and SGC for the 11 months worth of work 'cos of 5 secs of my life. I don't get damn hell shit cos of 5 secs of my life. My life is effectively ruined cos of 5 secs of my life. School thinks it's only fair to be punished for what I did wrong and I second the idea. But is there a need to throw away all contributions made to the school, all 11 months of it, just 'cos of 5 secs of my life? You can strip me of the position, you can give me a million demerit points for all I care but you cannot take all those contributions away from me. It's just not right to do so. I know the teachers will just say, in society, so long as you make a mistake, you get punished and you'll lose everything, face it. Yes. But they get a second chance, to gain whatever they lost back from society. But do I have that second chance? Was I given the chance to gain it back? I don't think so.

I don't see why I can't write all that I've done over the past few months in my SGC. Am I, lying about my contributions? Am I, smoking my way through it? Am I, making things up? For damn hell sure, I ain't. So why can't I write what's the truth in it? Just because I did something wrong for 5 secs? Just because I didn't exemplify myself for 5 secs? You want the truth? Then tell me, which part of, I was the one who chose to step down even before anyone of you approached me, a lie? Or which part of, I sacrificed my time, though definately not as much as my president or his secretary did, just so as to make sure that things were running in order and that things were done, a lie? Or which part of I still continued to do my best for the CCA even after stepping down, a lie? Which part? Tell me in the face, tell me which damn part is a lie. The SGC calls for nothing but the truth. Am I not giving you the truth? Am I not giving the whole world the truth?

100 mins of good can be destroyed by 5 secs of evil. But 5 secs of evil can never, will never, be forgotten even after 100 mins of good. That's the fact of life. That's what life is about. It's all about image. It's all about maintaining that clean image. This world calls for a spotless image. 1 mistake and your life is gone, might as well die.

If you say, "C'mon it's only 1 setback, you'll have many setbacks in life." Then let me ask you, have you been in my situation? If you haven't then please don't make yourself sound as though you've been through it. Face it, some setbacks will never be forgotten. They stay with you for the rest of your life. You can't forget about it, 'cos people will always remind you of it.

To all potential Honours Night people, please go for it. It matters. So if you see this, please go for it k?Don't miss out. Treat it as a favour from me k?Really.(:

Yes people. The paradox of life, unfair. But who gives a damn about what you've been through? They only care about the final result. Process more important than result? Not in this school, not in this family, not in this society, not in this country, that's for sure.

I sound bitter? You bet I am. I sound like I deserve a wake up call? Look at yourself before you say anything. I sound damn arrogant? Too bad, that's just me. I didn't force you to read this. You feel you blood boiling as you read this and you're about to spam my tagboard scolding me? Up to you, I didn't force you to read it. You think I'm trying to milk sympathy? Oh please, I've been through enough to know that milking of sympathy only makes you feel even more insecure. So yes.

-js-

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

It's been a long time since I last updated! Kinda surprised though.

Managed to finish both History questions that are meant for tutorial tomorrow. Oh yes! I need to print them, like after this. Haha.

Having flu again. Which is like the donno how many times this month. Should have gotten the heater on. Haha. Lazy la. So that's why laziness does to you. Oh well.

Guess I have to get used to inconsistent conversations on MSN. But that aside, I've to be happy and count my blessings that at least they still take place, even though it's only for like a few minutes before it ends. I'm happy still.

Oh, for your infomation, sotongs ARE sea creatures!

Silly people, silly sea creatures. I'm happy still. =)

I'm really lucky. Thanks.(:

-js-