Saturday, December 23, 2006

Hey guys. I'm back. It's been rather fun. Here are the pictures. Due to some fucking reasons, the other 130 pictures cannot be used. Don't ask or I'll wrench your neck off. And I haven't been in the best of moods these days. Enjoy.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

The following's a pretty vulgar entry. It happens to also be the the last entry before I fly off and be back on the 24th. So yea. Here goes.

Guess it's true that we try not to let the people we care for feel awkward and also not put them in a difficult position. But then again, I'm pretty sure she's trying her best not to get those hints. My gosh. Sounds as though I know her inside out.

Does it really mean that things will be better when we're older? And that it's best to leave such things till when we're older? Well, I guess it all boils down to how you handle it. But it's really fucking hard to stay positive when you get such messages across.

It's damn fucking retarded when the person tells you exactly what you don't want to hear. Oh fuck. I so wanted to just tell her that what's going on. Oh fuck.

Let this holiday be a breather then. Get away from school work, get away from CO and more importantly get away from all the retarded problems. Fuck off problems!

Fuck relationships. Big time.

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I'll be back on the 24th. Till then, take care people. And have fun for the last day of CO for 2006!!Haha. Cya guys. <3

-js-

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I was reading some chat logs just a couple of days ago. I kinda remembered lots of stuff that were discussed with certain people. I must admit it was rather interesting. I didn't realise that I actually started on my ADVENTURE ever since 20th June. Haha. Till now it's still rather Coke-bottled. But things are starting to improve already! Well, at least that's for me.

I'm leaving on Saturday but I haven't been to the movies yet! Argh.

-js-

Friday, December 08, 2006

CO games ended with a bang. It's nice. Yea, it really is. Had lots of fun with the CO people. Really glad to be able to spend time with them. But then, I have to say that I'm disappointed with some people. Sighs. Nevermind. Skip.

Haven't been studying at all. This is really bad. Sighs. I need to start studying.

Leaving in 2 weeks time. How interesting eh? Movie anyone?

-js-

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

It's kinda sad that everytime I wanna say something some random thought pulls me back. Cold cold conversations. It's starting to get tiring. Seems like every conversation ends off on the same note and starts similarly to the previously one. It's always the mundane things and issues that kick starts each and every conversation. How interesting eh?

Time's running out. I'll be in Taiwan before I know it. It'll be too late by then.

-js-

Friday, December 01, 2006

It's back. That feeling of dreading to go to school. Oh my gosh. I thought it would not be back after going through so much with AA5 and stuff. But then, it's back. This time, it ain't 'cos of school work. It's cos of commitments. Now dudes, this IS serious.

Reflecting on what my RVCO senior, who happened to be my President as well said, I realised that I'm going through the same thing right now. Quote from Xiumin, "I wish you'd find that passion for CO before I step down. I really don't want to see you lose your passion for it." Back then in 2003, I was part of Logistics. Our job was to make sure the chairs and conductor's stand and what-have-you-nots were ready for Combined. I decided to skip a combined session one afternoon, 'cos I really dreaded going for it. I didn't know why, but I just didn't want to go for that particular session. In fact, I didn't even want to go for any other future sessions. It so happened to be the norm for the RVCO President to ask for reasons from those who were absent, and me being part of the Comm, my Pres decided to talk to me. She asked, as usual, in her nice voice and patient way, why I didn't attend. I actually lost passion for CO.

So why am I digging it all up again? Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that what I'm going through now seems to be the same as what I've been through last time. Deja Vu at it's minimum I suppose, if you do want to even call it that. But what made me find that passion back for CO was the fact that I could feel goosebumps during each and every combined. Not only combined but even sectionals. Now that's scary. I went back to RVCO just the other day and I just realised how much I've missed RVCO. Gone are the days, as I said about hearing 6 or even 8 suonas. It's not the magnitude or intonation of the notes, it's the way the notes fuse together to form something that is so unique and different from other people's music. I felt that sense of belonging. I felt that I was appreciated, well I think so. Ha.

Not that I don't feel appreciated in ACCO. But the feeling's so very different. Till now I still wonder if I should have stayed in JJC and play Basketball. It's something I have always wanted to do, play Sports in JC. But then, I suppose my intellectual capacity doesn't warrent me that chance eh? Did I make the right choice to step forward? Did I make the right choice in choosing ACJC? Lots of questions pop up but only 1 thing is certain. I DID make the right choice to join CO when I was in RV. RVCO will always be the right choice. I've made many many many and I say many wrong choices in life till now but joining RVCO was and will always be the right choice. People from RVCO had this very special attitude towards CO. I don't know why but they are always so committed to their own brand of music. That, I have to respect. *salutes*

I'm not sure if it's 'cos I've extra responsibilities or whatsoever but I'm kinda certain that it's not because I have extra work and burden on my shoulders. It's just that I can't seem to adapt to the way things are done in this particular CO. The entire CCA knows that I have something against the conductor and even the seniors know that I seem to always clash with him. I backtracked all the way to 2002. Was I like that when I was in RVCO? When did I not respect the conductors and give them that "talk-to-me-and-I'll-slap-you" attitude? Maybe moodswings, but not to the extent of locking myself in the store room for half and hour! Goodness gracious.

Thinking back about the things I learnt from CCAAB, I realised that it's all just theory. Much as people can come tell you that you have to do things and much as seniors can arrange 1 to 1 talks with you to prep you up, it's all just theory. Practicality of the issue differs from theory. I'll be the first person to agree and admit, even though I know it's going to have a negative impact on people and stuff, that I'm starting to dread my CCA. I'm risking my position, I'm risking everything that I have worked so hard for. Why? 'cos I reckon that it's important that I'm honest about how I feel towards things. If not, I might as well not lead people. That's my style. It's up to me to find it back, it's up to me to like it again. It's up to me.

Since Jie and the rest went to Thailand for their holiday, I've been rather lonely. Not physically but as in emotionally, if I can say so myself. I realised that I didn't have anyone to complain to, well maybe the RV gang. But, it's different. I needed Jie's knowledge of stuff to help me tide over things.

But what can be worse than not having Saint around to cheer me up? My mum and dad wouldn't know what's going on and I certainly do not want to make them worried. Saint, lil saint. Where are you? Clouds go by, water flows. Only Saint stays, as I grow. Well, that's what I hope will happen.

I guess the late night's taking it's toil on my lethargic self. This is so not good. Move on! Push on! Get a book, read, get yourself enlightened! Yea, like that will work.

Coke-bottled. Serious. Too many things, too little ways of letting them all out. Period.

-js-