Saturday, August 11, 2007

I guess being nice to people ain't like putting coins into a vending machine. It doesn't mean that $1 worth of coins can be exchanged for $1 worth of happiness. It doesn't matter how much you give cos you cannot expect people to just reciprocate and give back the same amount of even more. I guess we can only see the returns as a form of added bonus. At least that makes things easier and happier. I'm starting to become incoherent. There's just so much I wanna say but it's all jumbled up, mixed and whatever. Really kinda tired of having to think of ways to make things more interesting without coming across as a piece of gum. You know the feeling when, you're feeling sick of something but yet, just don't want to give up? Yea. That's the feeling right now.

Can't believe I just did another 45 minutes wait. I just want to do it but after doing it, I go, "What the hell have I just done." Everything I do's based on impulse right now, which is quite dumb.

I think it really is time to take a chill pill. Look on the bright side, you get to save some messages! But I don't want to, that's the problem. Ever tried waiting 1 entire day for a simple morning greeting, before convincing yourself that it's not going to happen 'cos there's no reason to? Ever tried sending morning greetings just so that get to message someone? That's pathetic from my point of view. But guess who's doing it? Wow.

Starting to use music as a way of getting away from all the shit. Music seems to be the only thing I can use to express myself and to vent my anger. But everytime I play the piece 'Reflections' with all that sixtet notes, I feel fine again. So I'll happily return to my room and the feeling sinks in again. Music's the only salvation.

It's not your fault, I suppose. I guess it's just part of learning and realizing that there's more to it that you expected. Maybe like what some people said, there's always a first time and usually first times fail.

I'd rather some people not be so nice or sweet, just so I don't do comparisions. 'cos when that happens, people'll start to be seen as inconsistant with their actions which really is, I must say, rather vexing and irritating. Not your fault. It's mine, for being overly possessive and irritating and being an ass.

-js-