Saturday, August 19, 2006

It's not hard to imagine what prompted the writers of the song "You Never Walk Alone" went through before they penned their inner most thoughts down on paper, which swiftly then became the very song that lives in the hearts of all Liverpudnians. I suddenly felt so alone today. My fault, maybe, for giving an expression that was very welcoming. My fault, for giving the wrong impression of what was going through my mind. My fault, for not saying things clearly, causing people to have to travel up and down. My fault, readily admitted.

But then again, what prompted me to have such feelings? Did I not ask 3 times before giving up? Did I not ask for people to start work? Did I not try my best to not scream? Did I not try my best to appear nice and docile and adorable? Apparently it seems, it isn't enough.

You. Of all people. I know, it's a chore to have to see my face again for this year, much less for the last few years in RV. I'm fine with it. I know, it's a chore to even talk to me or even treat me nicely. It's a damn bloody chore for you to even be in this CCA, under me. Fine. I have nothing to say. 'cos it's my fault. Now don't get me wrong that I'm using sarcasm. I'm jolly well not using it. Being under me is a chore, we all can see.

But as you decide that my face was a fucked-up face, think about why I had that face. All you care about is the fact that you were bothered by the fact that my attitude pissed you off. Try asking someone who happens to be your friend to do something for more than 3 times and getting the reply, "Wait la!" each time. Try resisting the urge to scream at him in the face to start to move things, knowing what you do will affect the friendship. I really can't stand the fact that you don't even understand what's going on.

It's hard to find people who really understands what's going on. People don't always think for you. That's cruel. They think only about having fun and how to make life better for themselves. Did it even occur to you two that I'm trying to do a job? I don't think so. I really am disappointed with the fact that you didn't and still don't understand the stress that I have.

Not as if you'll even read about it.

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Is it just me, or is it that Val's able to make me feel better each time I'm down? I wonder.

-js-