Friday, June 30, 2006

Had a wonderful day today. Started with me heading down to school to pass Sam my CV. Met Darrell before that to collect his CV. Haha. Decided to stay in school and wait for Math lesson to start. Math lesson was rather interesting and fruitful I must say. Tze Shun joined us for Math. Haha. She's smart! Really! If only I had her brains. Nevermind.
Went to look for Darrell after Math. Had to travel all the way to his house. Haha. My supposed second home. Haha. Played a game of Dota with Darrell and some pubbies. Very frustrating I must say, seeing all your hard work go down the drain because of some people fooling around but you can't actually scold them 'cos you can't even see them!! Argh. Nevermind. Haha.
Headed down to Lot1 for lunch before going to the new campus for soccer. Explored the area while waiting for the rest to arrive. Saw a couple of familiar faces. But then again, how many more trips down can I make before realising that nobody actually knows who you really are anymore. Juniors are all graduating. So yea, I won't know anyone before long. Kinda sad eh? Knowing that I've been in CO and RV for 4 years, you realise that everything's just so temporary. Just like that Lit poem, nothing is absolute and everything will just come crumbling down and become nothing. Yea. Take it easy dude. I'm sure you can pull through it. =)
Played soccer with the juniors of RV. Don't really know them. Trailed 2 nil! Oh my gosh. Pulled one back before seeing Kiang score one of the most unglam goals. Haha. We laughed like mad when we saw him score that goal. LOL!! Ask him for details. Haha. Suffered a few cramps during the match. Played in long pants. My gosh. Nearly died of the heat. Haha. Nevermind. It's fun! 'cos I got to see my friends. Friends who know me and accept me for who I am and not for what I am. They are the ones who make me feel that I don't have to put on a facade or mask or a false front or whatever you call it. They are the ones who make me feel at ease, not having to bother about how I look, whether or not I have 6 pack rock hard abs or whether or not I pass NAPFA. I so wish to go back to Secondary School life. Innocent and just so fun. Of course, it had it's own fair share of problems and homework and stress. But then, I'm willing to trade my long pants that I'm wearing now for them. Had a lil chat with a few of them and we all agreed, we miss the days when we wore shorts. Why? 'cos it made us bonded. It allowed us to have a common identity. We had lots of fun trying to make them seem longer, like wearing them at our butts or hips or where ever, just so that it wouldn't look like a pair of boxers. Haha. It's stuff like these that really allows you to have great friends.
I guess it's really a case of not being able to adapt to AC life. Not sure why, but I never fail to feel very out of place in ACJ. Not sure why, really don't. Sam said it's just a matter of time and that it will never be like secondary school. I know that it will never be like secondary school. I keep telling myself that ACJ is a fun place and that I should be glad that at least I'm able to have friends there. But then, with each and every passing day, I get the feeling that I should never have appealed. Why? 'cos it's really not for me. I feel so weird not speaking to my peers in Chinese. My gosh. I really cannot stand people who look down on Chinese speaking people and pass them off as Cheena F***s. C'mon dude. Aren't you a Chinese too? Look at what education has done to our fine gentlemen, men whom girls in RV think are the best 'cos they know how to treat girls as girls. I mean, c'mon, show some respect alright? What good is there if you can't even speak a decent sentence of chinese? If you can't even understand what the chinese exam question is asking then I really think that it's time you start to think if you're that great to call people Cheena. At the very least, we know how to speak chinese, relatively well. I'm fine with people who can't speak good chinese, I'm fine with people who can't really understand what the question is asking for. But I'm not fine if you call me Cheena or call me a RV F***. Did my school offend you? Did I even offend you? So what if you're a great bowler? I don't care.
Look at the MOE website. You see kids, dressed in uniforms running on the field. From what school? Elite schools. And now tell me, how many of them are from schools that actually produce students who can speak decent chinese? I'll let you find out on your own.
What I'm trying to say is that, if you're not good in chinese, it's your responsibility to brush it up and be able to at least hold a decent conversation in it. I see Ian trying his very best trying to speak in chinese during lessons. That's nice. I see Jerome trying to understand and trying his best to learn. That's nice too! At least I have classmates who never fail to try.
Maybe I should never have appealed back to ACJ. Not sure why I'm saying this but, I really feel out of place. When was the last time my friends really saw me laugh out heartily and freely? I get the feeling that everyone's kinda looking at your actions where ever you go. It feels so weird. And the J2s ain't making things easy. I know I'll get slated for saying this publicly on a blog. But then again, am I insulting anyone? Am I causing someone to have their image destroyed? I don't think so. But then again, everywhere's the same, I guess. I'm not sure about that, 'cos I haven't been to other places, yet. All I can do now, is just struggle through the next 1 and a half year. Hopefully by then, I'll be freed from all the problems.
Back to today. Came back home after soccer. Had dinner with Mum and started to play games. Really needed to destress. So yea. Here I am, typing this entry, while waiting for Sam to come back online so that we can talk again. At least I know I have a J2 friend who really cares and accepts me for who I am. I know I can count on her. Thanks Sam. =)
Life will never be the same again. Oh ya. I just understood this statement. "If someone's really that good and important, wait. 'cos waiting will allow you to know if she's really that good and important. Just wait." So I guess, I'll just wait and wait and wait. Till when? I don't know. We'll see.

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