Friday, March 24, 2006

It's not everyday that we get second chances. For me, I'm glad that I had a second chance. I got to stay in ACJC. That's nice, given that I wasn't suppose to be there. So yea, I got my second chance. But then again, we don't always get to have second chances.

Second chances are gifts. They are gifts, not something that we are entitled to. I blew my second chance. So there ain't any reason to why I'm suppose to ask for a thrid chance. Seriously, chances are given to people for a reason. To look upon their mistakes and learn to correct them and do better. But then, I didn't reflect. Instead, I just went on with whatever I thought was right. In the end, I lost it. Again. I thought I would be right in making that decision. I didn't think it through. In fact, it was based on the fact that I could not take it AT THAT TIME. Yes. That very moment. Had I stopped to consider and lay that precious ego down, things would be so very different from now. How I'd wish that I didn't say those fateful words. How I'd wish I didn't break her heart. But who am I to say, "I wish?" when at the end of the day, I really did so.

What on earth was I doing by telling people what to do and how to do things, when I don't even know how to do it. What on earth was I doing by telling people to move on when I myself cannot even do so? What on earth was I doing by telling people that there are better people out there when I myself cannot even bring myself to not do so?

Nobody knows how's it like to tell people what to do when you are secretly hoping that you are the person. I felt like shooting myself in the head as I was typing each and every word. But who cares? Knowing that the person you like is attracted by another person can really kill you. But then again, who cares?!

Only God knows my problems now. Only He cares.

-js-