Monday, February 13, 2006

Let's be frank and honest here. The following entry is all about my real feelings and the things I felt over the past 2 days.

The moment I received my O Level results, I felt immediately that God abandoned me. I felt that He left me. I started to question His existence and presence. I felt that God didn't exist at all. Why did I even choose to believe in something that cannot even be proven exist? Who on earth said that God exist? I felt that there wasn't such thing as God. I refused to acknowledge His presence 'cause I felt that He wasn't at all real. I was filled with anger. I was thinking about how I wasted my time talking to God, telling Him my problems when He didn't exist in the first place.

But then, Tianyong tagged at my blog. Cling onto God, he said. Reflecting on chapel today, I realised that God exists. Chapel taught me one thing today, God's love can never be seperated and nothing can cut that love away from us and God. As I listened to the worhip group singing, I felt a deep sense of emotion. Each word struck hard and deep into my heart. God loves us not because of what I did but because of what He did. God loves us not because of what I am but because of who He is. Who am I? I'm Yours, God. Yes. I belong to God. I'm His saint, as quoted from chapel today. Much as we all are undeserving to be called a saint but in God's eyes, we are perfect. We are perfect because all the sins were lifted off our shoulders. The sins were enough to condemn us to having hundreds of tons of stones hanging around our necks, enough to condemn us to be boiled in oil like John was punished and tortured. But we didn't. Why? 'cause Jesus died for us. For God so loved us that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Yes, that's the power of God. God never left us. He never did and most importantly, He never will. Amen, my friends. God's love is so powerful that we can never ever feel the full effects of it.

Love is oversimplified by all the roses and chocolates that will be handed around tomorrow. However, flowers die and chocolates are eaten. God's love, will never cease to exist. That's the true meaning of love. Selfless, unconditional. I talked to my sis-in-Christ, Pearleen, and she asked, "Do you think that grades are really that important?" No it isn't. God loves us not because of what happens. Instead, God loves us NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENES! Yes.

God bless me that I have such a wonderful brother. He told me lots of stuff that really made me think of what I really want. Thank You God, for blessing me with such a wonderful kor. And of course, all the wonderful friends that I have. Thank You.

-js-