My Life, My Rules

42 Below

2008-11-20T14:55:00.002+08:00

Well let's see what happened last night/this morning. Hmm, went to phuture with Chong, Benny, Wen Yuan and Jeremy. Rather lucky that it rained cos that meant that people started to move away from the queue and so we were inside in no time! Haha. Nice rain, nice rain...

Met some of Jon's friends, who were more than willing to finish the whole bottle of 42 on their own. Haha. The night didn't start till it was like around 1am, which was good. Danced a bit here and there before moving to the other side to continue to drink. Wen Yuan kinda like er, KO-ed? Hence Benny took him out and had supper with him before sending him home. Wonder how he's doing now. Ha.

Met another group of Jon's friends, who are really good with their alcohol tolerance. Really good drinkers. Yupps. Which is good! cos that means more fun! Ha. Continued to drink at their table, which happened to be another bottle of 42. Oh my goodness, 2 bottles of 42 in 1 night. Haha. I swear that's not a very good combination. LOL!!

Continued to play till around 4am before heading home. KO-ed in the taxi, all the way till I reached home. Come to think of it, I'm surprised the uncle knew how to get here. Haha. This must mean that a lot of people take cab from that area to this place! Haha!! Oh wells.

Chong's having a hangover. I'm not surprised. Haha.

-js-

And so the story goes

2008-10-26T18:37:00.002+08:00

I'll be flying in about 8 hour's time. Will be gone for quite some time, about 3 weeks.

Decided to just let things go, after asking mum and stuff. Talked to Da Jie, who happens to be my elder cousin. She's married, has kids and stuff. So she really did explain lots of things to me and made me think about it. And given Kor's experience, I think it can only be true.

So yea. That's about it. Kinda weird I guess.

Oh and anyway, if you guys need to contact me, just feel free to call or msg, I'll try my best to answer/reply. Yups! =)

-js-

What is Home?

2008-10-05T14:04:00.002+08:00

I want to leave this place, that so many people call "home"

Am pretty sick of all the treatment getting.

-js-

45 Park Villas Terrace

2008-09-13T10:41:00.002+08:00

Less than 30 mins into the new place, 45 Park Villas Terrace, or 45 PVT for short and I'm already showing signs of what to expect for the next few years living here. It took me less than say, 10 mins to get my butt on the floor of my bedroom on the 3rd floor, with a laptop on my less than satisfactory shaped legs. Haha. iTunes playing away, nice late morning sun, cool breeze and lots of good air, I can really get used to this kind of life.

With or without company, I guess I can pretty much be happy with where I am right now.

Don't expect anything from others. 'cos if you really love them, then don't give them a chance to let you feel abandoned. Let them go. Move.

-js-

A Walk To Remember, what love really means.

2008-09-07T13:50:00.002+08:00

"Love is always patient and kind.
It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful, or conceited,
It is never rude or selfish.
It does not take offence,
It is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins,
Delights in the truth,
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope,
And to endure whatever comes." -- A Walk To Remember.

-js-

People move on

2008-09-06T19:45:00.002+08:00

It's kinda scary to see how quickly people move on in life, especially when it comes to things like relationships. It's no surprise why divorce rates are experiencing the bull-market syndrome.

I remember saying that dating a person's harder than striking 4D. It really isn't bullshit! But then of course, there're many reasons as to why a person wouldn't want to go out with you, or in this case, me. But you can't exactly blame them for not wanting to right? Well, I guess that's when you'll have to learn to take it and say, it's alright, not everyone's free enough for you. Ha. Sounds sad? Well, it really isn't, especially since it's been quite a long time already.

People have their own life.

Who do I want to be there for me when I'm down? Who can I count on? Vayl? She's busy enough with her A Levels, so please, nono. The guys? Haha. They're busy with their stuff too la. But I know they'll be there for me! Haha! Do I want that special someone to be there for me? Of course I do, just like everyone else. But the thing is, is it possible? I don't think so. It's not a matter of whether or not they're able to, it's a matter of whether or not they WANT to. And even if they want to, why do they want to do it? Sympathy? Please, f*** off if that's why you want to. The last thing I want is for people to be there for me because they think, "Aww, how sad. Let me be there for him." Call be an ass for being so troublesome or whatever, but I try to be there for people I care for because I value the relationship we share and not 'cos I think it's sad. As quoted, "Whatever, anything. If you say so then." Yes.

People should just tell others to not bother about them if they don't want to be bothered. And please, don't give answers like, "It's up to you." For goodness sake answer the bloody question and not answer that way. It doesn't solve things. Period.

Current state of mind - Error 2, therefore, the incoherence and harsh words

-js-
-js-

Don't know much

2008-08-31T10:17:00.002+08:00

Look at this face
I know the years are showin
Look at this life
I still dont know where its going

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

Look at these eyes
They never seen what mattered
Look at these dreams
So beaten and so battered

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

So many questions
Still left unanswered
So much
Ive never broken through

And when I feel you near me
Sometimes I see so clearly
The only truth I've ever known
Is me and you

Look at this man
So blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul
Still searching for salvation

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

I dont know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All I need to know

I dont know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All there is to know

----------------------------------

Just read the papers with regards to ragging getting a lil too sexual. I must admit that it did leave a lil lump in my throat. No, not that I was extremely sad about the moral values of youths these days, neither was is due to the love that I somehow, must have in me, deep deep deep down in my heart, for the country and thus feeling sultra depressed that youths these days no longer know the line for games and that they don't know how to "let the light pass through". Felt a lil something when I was reading it. I must say that I don't really want to know what happens during ragging but yet, in some secluded corner of my brain, the cells are constantly screaming for information about this very special form of introduction to uni life. No wonder they say that uni's hard! It's not difficult to understand why, given the type of games they play in the campus. It really isn't rocket science to figure out why NUS has so many exciting and juicy and also raunchy news popping out every once in a while, much to surprise of Jamie Yeo who thinks that it's just us Singaporeans making a mountain out of a mole-hole.

Yes no doubt we've over-reacted a lil. But then again, isn't that better than to see it as, "Oh, it's just another one of those passing phases in the youths' lives. No biggie." Utter rubbish! 21st century or not, the very fact that we're from the East means that we ought to have that lil trait that sets us apart from the West. It's tomfoolery to say that we should be more open minded and be like the West! Since when does being like the West equals being more open-minded? I guess Hollywood must be really glad that she has the whole world in her palm, controlling their every thoughts about life and how one should conduct himself. This moral degradation and mortification's remains all too clear to be seen. It's distressing.

I have no idea what you went through during ragging. Maybe you enjoyed it, maybe you didn't. Or maybe you didn't even participate in it. I'm not too sure. But regardless, it's a whole different thing being in uni and army, so much so that both will never be able to fully understand what the other goes through in both places. I guess that's why relationships die-off during this rather, turbulent period, well at least that's for the guys. Ha. It really isn't surprising to hear of friends getting attached just 3 weeks into the new school term. It really isn't. Afterall, it's uni.

-js-

Relationships

2008-08-11T19:03:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I last booked-in to Bedok Camp, seeing familiar faces like, Sgt Ser Guan, the ever nice APS (really la..) or the newly promoted Cpt Ng. Been attending Class 2B bike course since I donno, 5th August? Somewhere there. Blame it on my softness but it's been quite an emotional course so far, at least for me. It seems like I take setbacks harder than anyone else. I'm not very sure why, but that's how badly I take things. I'm not really sure if it's because I'm not really used to not being better than others but I presume it has lots to do with the way I was brought up.

Well, you see, I was brought up in such a way that deemed average isn't good enough and neither was "Better than others". But instead, only by being "The Best" would be good enough.

Got chided countless of times, been scolded dozens and dozens of F-yous all by the same person. It's not hard to tell why I feel that I'm like a target for him. Really depressing, or should I say, depressed. It's been quite a long time since I last hated every single day of my life. It's not that I don't want to learn but rather, it's because I'm slow when it comes to such things. I mean, I'm really not the type for motorcycles and all these "less-than-very-safe" machines. Call me a coward, call me a nerd, like what Kenneth said, or call me a hermit. Not that I want to be a nerd, but it's just that I really don't like the idea of not being "safe". But Ken asked me a very good question, "So, how did you do the heli repelling?" Haha. Honestly, I have no idea. Call me a very cowardly Guardsman if you like. I don't really care, but I just, yea. It's quite hard to imagine me doing unsafe stuff. I guess it's because I've been too sheltered and protected, like a lil foetus. I donno.

Had this very mean and evil thought during lunch, which was after practical lesson. I suddenly wanted to have someone there for me, like you know, hear me whine and all and have the person say very sweet nothings to make my day a better one. Then I thought, I need a girlfriend. Then I thought again, wake up! That's the biggest reason that I detest to why one needs a girlfriend! And to think I had that thought when I was at my weakest, or one of my lowest points. I describe it as a sin. Yea.

And now, I suddenly remember what Kor told me last time when I had to talk to him regarding relationship issues. He said, 90% of relationships end during NS because the guys have no idea what the girls go through in uni and the type of guys that they meet and how frantic uni's life is and girls have no idea what guys go through in NS and how stressful and taxing it can be. And not to mention, it's quite hard to the guys to be there for the girls when they need someone and vice-versa. Point taken? Yea. It's really quite hard I guess? I donno. Maybe that's why I don't really expect anything apart from breakdown in relationships. Or maybe I expect nothing much from anyone anymore, especially if it's regarding er, ya. I call it a bonus. Afterall, there really aren't any contracts signed or promises made. So I guess that's why I hardly promise people these days, especially since how I've seen how promises can be so easily broken. That's why I say, just concentrate on living your life and not make people's life difficult. If they're busy, then yup! Live your own life! =)

My sanctuary's no longer the same without, yea.

-js-

Questions

2008-07-13T20:18:00.002+08:00

We all have questions to ask, every now and then. Not the normal questions like, "What's next ah, Sgt?" or "What time we booking out?". No, I mean questions like, what would have happened, if it didn't turn out the way it did?" I donno.

Watched the amazing fireworks display once again last night at Marina while doing duty. It was nice, really nice. But it sure felt very very sad and weird. I donno. Maybe it's cos I cling onto things that I should have already let go of. I donno.

"You'll cry at my funeral, you'll say it didn't have to be this way. You'll act like how everyone expects you to.

But will you miss me?

More importantly, will I miss you?

Does either one of us really want to hear the answer to that question?"

-js-

Understatements.

2008-07-07T19:08:00.002+08:00

Saying "I miss you" when you miss someone special's an understatement that cannot be understated to a larger extent.

And so, I guess I've been understating certain things.

Don't suppose the person will see this, so I guess, it's just another understatement of sadness.

-js-

Back from hiatus

2008-06-14T10:55:00.002+08:00

Well, it's been more than 2 months since I last posted something on this virtual space. Well, let's just say that life's been pretty average? Ha. Not that nothing exciting happened but more like, nothing much to say? Ha, I'm contridicting myself. Nevermind.

I had this sudden thought while on 97, on the way back from City Hall to my lil slumber palace in Jurong. And so, I quote from my phone.

"I guess, we should just tell people how we feel, the moment we have those feelings. 'cos sometimes, there isn't a next time. Afterall, what if tomorrow doesn't come? I guess I'll never have the chance to say it, or in this instance, send it. Not because tomorrow won't come, but because, there isn't a tomorrow for it."

It's not hard to guess what song I was listening to while having such thoughts.

-js-

Final Post before entering NS

2008-04-09T15:00:00.002+08:00

Well, I guess this will be last post before I enter NS and serve this nation. Wow. I'm all excited. Haha. Not really sure what's it going to be like but I guess I'll just try my very best? I'm not sure 'cos somehow or rather I'm a lil apprehensive. Not really sure if I should be happy that it's tomorrow or sad that it's so soon.

Won't know what's it like out there cos I'll be stuck on that lil island called Tekong. Be safe. Eat well, drink more. Sleep well. Hope you sleep well every night. No more insects in your room please.

I still remember when I said this, "Eh next time I see you I pass you a ticket so that you can come send me off k?" And the reply? "Still so far away. We won't know what's going to happen by then lor." I guess you're right and that says it all.

Regrets aplenty. But, isn't it all too late? Nothing much we can do about it, apart from moving on with life and try to put things right, right? I donno.

-js-

I just want to put things right

2008-04-03T13:33:00.002+08:00

I guess, I just want to put as many wrongs right and spend some quality time with people who really matter.

We can only do so much and the rest, is up to the person. I've come to learn that we shouldn't really expect too much from people. But the irony lies in that we expect the most, from the people whom we're most concerned over. I'm not sure why. But yea, we just have to learn to let them have their own lives too? I donno. Possible?

-----------------------

I leave it to you to decide. Yup.

Anyway, can Liane and Vayl msg me when you see this? Thanks. 2 people who're really important to me. Yups. One's my closest senior since many years while the other's my closest female friend. Kudos. =)

-js-

400th Post

2008-04-01T18:32:00.002+08:00

It's my 400th post. Seems rather unbelievable. I can't believe this blog here witnessed the events that I've been through over the last 3 years at least. Time flies, doesn't it?

I always thought it's smart to not go back the other way regardless of what happens. They always say, we should just move and look forward to things. But now, I've come to realise that, it's better to go back the other way and just make a U-turn if we need to. There really isn't any point in going straight down the road, 'cos you know that you've left something undone. But then again, are we brave enough to say, "Let's get this thing done well before going on."? 'cos most of the time we're only interested in what's ahead.

Slow down a lil. Really. There're much better things in life than whatever we're doing right now, regardless. We all want to be sure of the outcome before committing ourselves into it. But, who knows, it would have been too late or that things are no longer the same, when we're finally sure of what we want.

It's no wonder I prefer to follow my heart. =) Emotional? Or just, faithful follower of the soul? Up to you to decide.

-js-

Organ Exam & Fun-O-Rama

2008-03-29T20:29:00.002+08:00

Just got back from school. It was great to see some people again, especially Ganaesh. Yups. Had a nice talk with him on the way home from school. Did lots of stupid things again in school which were really funny. I guess we'll only be 19 once. Yups. So might as well do things that we know will stay in our heads for a long time. If not now, when? I donno. That's me.

Organ Exams. Oh wells. Not too bad la. Haha. Let's skip.

Ate lots of brownies. Had lots of fun talking and joking. Met Si'en! Haha. *beams* She's still as Si'en as ever. Haha. A bit hard to explain. Had lots of fun talking to her. Yups.

Oh wells. Nothing much for dinner. Nothing much to add, apart from the fact that I'll be teaching tomorrow! Haha. Oh wells. Afternoon lesson. Shoots.

I'm tired, yet, a lil hesistant to rest. You know what I need. =)

-js-

Countdown to exams

2008-03-25T18:35:00.003+08:00

Counting down to the Organ Exams. Ain't exactly going very well now. Shoots. Oh great.

Got another job as a tuition teacher. Haha. Oh goodness. Talk about shock of the century.

It's been rather, I donno, normal, to say the least. Well, that's to put it nicely of course. But hey! it could have been worse right? So yups!

Can't wait for uni. Like, really. I'm not sure why, but I just can't wait. I'd say, let's skip the entire period from 2008 to 2010!! Haha. Oh gosh. Oh wells! =)

--------------------

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

They're both convinced
that a sudden passion joined them.
Such certainty is more beautiful,
but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

Since they'd never met before, they're sure
that there'd been nothing between them.
But what's the word from the streets, staircases, hallways--
perhaps they've passed by each other a million times?

I want to ask them
if they don't remember--
a moment face to facein some revolving door?
perhaps a "sorry" muttered in a crowd?
a curt "wrong number"caught in the receiver?--
but I know the answer.
No, they don't remember.

They'd be amazed to hear
that Chance has been toying with them
now for years.

Not quite ready yet
to become their Destiny,
it pushed them close, drove them apart,
it barred their path,
stifling a laugh,
and then leaped aside.

There were signs and signals,
even if they couldn't read them yet.
Perhaps three years ago
or just last Tuesdaya certain leaf fluttered
from one shoulder to another?
Something was dropped and then picked up.
Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished
into childhood's thicket?
There were doorknobs and doorbells
where one touch had covered another
beforehand.
Suitcases checked and standing side by side.
One night. perhaps, the same dream,
grown hazy by morning.

Every beginning
is only a sequel, after all,
and the book of events
is always open halfway through.

Wislawa Szymborska. It's sweet, isn't it? For you.

-js-

Up to you

2008-03-21T02:14:00.002+08:00

Haha, alrights! I guess that says a lot? Haha, unnecessary then! =)

I guess it all depends on what people want from their relationships with others? I'm not too sure but at least that's how I see relationships with people. I think it's better to expect things from people cos at least that shows you want to have a better relationship with the person? I donno. But yup! To say that one doesn't want to have or expect anything from someone might suggest that the person does not matter as much as he or she thinks. Haha. I donno.

Enlighten me then! Haha. =)

Ironic eh? Oh wells, I've been warned, haven't I?

-js-

University admissions

2008-03-16T12:45:00.003+08:00

I just realised that, some things don't really become irrelevant just because it happened a long time ago. Some things stay with you for life.

My applications just hit a wall. NUS applications seem rather hmm, hard. I donno. Maybe I'm not destined for Uni admissions.

Sometimes all I need's just company, don't really need to say anything. Perhaps even that's a lil too much to ask for.

-js-

Results

2008-03-13T10:32:00.002+08:00

Aftermath of results? Mixed. Not sure how to describe, just yea, like that. Life's been up and down for quite some time? Rather good, considering how it can be worse.

Been watching Ellen and Tyra. Haha. I'm a whore when it comes to such shows. Oh, add in a lil Oliver and there you go, happy me. Haha. Sounds like a retarded bimbo. But I've just got to admit it, I do have a soft spot for such shows. Oh well.

Wala tomorrow. =)

-js-

My Experience.

2008-03-03T16:57:00.002+08:00

"It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

-------------------------

I guess I've to agree with it. I can only move on, can't I? (",)

It's the experience that counts, not the ending. But then again, how many times have we heard of this phrase and feel that it really is true? Beats me.

I know I loved. Did you?

-js-

Dedications for my friend.

2008-02-24T09:42:00.003+08:00

I've decided to post some dedications for some of my really close friends or people who've had a particular influence on my life. Not sure why, but I suddenly had this idea of doing such a thing. Well I guess the next few posts will all be around the same idea? I just want to say a big thank you to everyone. Yups. Haha. Sounding a lil corny. Oh wells, I just want to do something for them and explain how these people actually made me a better person! =)

Okay let's see. I knew LerXian only in Sec1 during CO camp. But we weren't very close at that point in time cos I donno, not close? Haha. All I knew about him was that we was one of the best, if not the best young talent Singapore has. He was quiet, or at least I thought so because I wasn't that close to him. But somehow, I do remember him having to sleep on my sleeping bag cos he didn't bring his own. Haha. That was plainly, hilarious.

Well, we started to get close in sec3, after the juniors challenged us to a soccer match. Together with some other boys we formed our first seniors team. And so we played lots of matches together and won many of them, largely due to his abilities!! Haha (Eh if you're reading this you better smile ah.) Top corner, side-step, cross-overs, placement, Carlos-styled, you name it, he did it.

But what made me so impressed with him was his maturity. I'm not sure why but I always saw him as a big brother, not like he's very much older than I am! But somehow or rather, I always thought that Ler's smart and that he's able to see things from many different angles and give his own point of views. He always knows what to say and how to say it. And not to mention, he would always be there when you needed help. Countless of occasions when I needed help and he'd always be there, either to hear my cock or explain situations to me. Haha. So much so that I have nothing but praises for him in front of my mum. And guess what, my mum loves him and often repeats, "Eh boy ah! Must learn from LerXian hor!" Haha.

We've been keeping in contact with each other, especially since we started playing Maple together. You could see that he's different from others. Even though it's just pixels, but the sheer intention to share his wealth and items with you was good enough. Not many people do that, even though it's just pixels. Haha. We shared stories online, shared ideas and talked about many different topics.

This year was especially interesting. I kept going to him for help and never did he ever say no. That alone, really made him that great. Yups.

I don't think I'll regret knowing him. Yups. So here's to my best-friend, LerXian. Thank you so much for all your teachings and friendship. All 5 years plus of it!! Wow, time flies. LOL!!

All the best for your Hell Week =P

-js-

Lost it all

2008-02-10T21:05:00.000+08:00

Been through quite a bit of stuff. Guess the entire episode made me realise that I lost quite a bit of things.

Was going through the things that I've lost. I found out that I lost my ability to rattle things of with confidence. Was going through what happened back in RV when I participated in the Chinese Speaking competition. I guess, I'm no longer as confident. I'm not sure why. I guess this entire episode made me less confident of myself. Not sure why either. Maybe that person's right,
I really don't understand, even though I say I do. I guess only I know. But wait, even I don't know.

I've lost quite a bit of things. I've lost faith in lots of stuff. I've lost the courage to do or say things. I've lost my motivation. I've lost my goal. I've lost myself.

I'm lost.

-js-

Lost it

2008-01-15T11:05:00.000+08:00

It's been quite long since I last blogged. My hair's been growing. Wow, like anyone needed to know that.

Work's been keeping me occupied, which is I guess rather good.

Let's hope things will get back to normal soon.

-js-

Happy Holidays

2007-12-25T11:57:00.000+08:00

Happy holidays people. Yupps. It's been quite a long time since I last recorded the events and happenings of my life. It's been rather swell I suppose? Not like there's much to cheer about but who cares, everyday's a new day and aren't we supposed to take each day at a time?

I guess the reason why many people aren't really happy with their lives' cos they think a tad too much about what they want and how others are better at things that they want to excel in too. Or rather, some take things too personally, refusing to let their egos subside and allow it to rule their heads. I'm not sure about others but I do know that I've been happier these days, mainly due to the fact that I've been taking each day at a time. Don't get me wrong, I do plan for the future and make detailed plans and analysis of what's to come. All I'm saying is that we don't expect too much from others and the world. Instead of hoping the world falters and that we will be able to capitalise upon it, why don't we make the most of the situation and just hope for the best? Afterall, isn't living all about experimenting? Who's to say that we're second best, just because we didn't reach the top? I guess reaching the top's not all that important but rather, how we reach the top or how we attempt to reach the top's more important. Reaching the top's just a recognition of our work. But if that's the only thing that's going to push you to reach the top, then I guess on a personal level, it isn't really very appealing. Why do we need recognition to do things? I donno. Maybe it's due to that lil 5% of our brain or that male, ego-centric behaviour that most of us have. Not that I'm stereotyping, but apparently that's how things work? Pardon my lack of general knowledge. Haha.

Been reading a lil and also watching the NG series "My Brilliant Brain". I conclude that it is such shows that make people want to slash their wrists or want to jump from the Conrad or even from Bukit Timah Hill, hoping to roll down the hill and bump their heads into some rock that's so unfortunately placed there. We all aim to be that top 0.1%, often forgetting that we're in a much better position than 50% of the rest of the world. Aiyaiyai! Tsk Tsk! It's not wrong to want to strive for the best, I mean, that's what living's all about too, giving your best in everything you do but I guess it's bad to expect too much. Notice how we're always going in circles? Haha. Righto!

The week's been rather nice. Got to spend some quality time with certain people, had lots of fun, caught up with friends and yupps, it's been a rather nice holiday and festive season. Hope it's the first of many? I'm not sure, but I do know that I won't forget this season in a hurry. Give chase! Time's running away like never before. Was talking to Ah Lian on MSN last night and boy oh boy! Didn't really occur to me that 18 years past since my first Christmas. What did I say about time running away?

Happy holidays my friends.

-js-

Rough Week

2007-12-08T13:59:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a rough week. Lots of things happened and I don't really suppose they're all that good. Took it out on certain people and I'm pretty upset that it kinda got to my head. So erm, yea, sorry to all those I kinda took it out on.

Having said that, I guess that's not a valid excuse. So erm, yea.

A's been over for quite some time and I guess it isn't really that fun either. Oh wells.

-js-

Do I expect that much?

2007-11-05T18:13:00.000+08:00

If I do, then I guess I failed in being understanding.

Sorry's the last thing I want.

-js-

哭了

2007-10-25T10:25:00.000+08:00

哭了。而这次还真的是大哭场。眼眶都红了。但，这一切却不是她的错。错的是自己，过于急促，没替她想。口口声声说有多喜欢对方，却一而再，再而三的让人伤心难过。
小弟，等等吧。别让人觉得透不过气来。如果真的是很喜欢对方，那就当成是帮她一个大忙，不要再逼她了。

"=DD"

-js-

My neverland

2007-09-09T19:18:00.000+08:00

A'ights. Presentation's over. Not something I'll forward to again, cos sadly it was a lil boring. But I guess, I was there only for the prize.

Well, you can't expect tooooooooooo much la huh?But try to find positives from things and each day will get better! =)

I like this blogskin. At least better than the previous one. Yupps.

You can, and have already been my neverland.

-js-

1000 hearts, for you. And only you deserve them all

2007-09-01T18:47:00.000+08:00

Well, on my way to that crazy and insane number of 1000. Yups! Almost half way there. Just got to keep going and not think of whether or not things will turn out fine. Just do it, and I guess that's all that matters. Doesn't really matter if people appreciate it or not cos I guess the most important thing's that you achieved what you wanted to achieve or do. So I guess it's not so much of whether or not you'll make things worse but more of whether or not you'll be able to say, "I have no quelms or regrets, cos at least I tried and did it."

But then again, I guess it's rather selfish to just do things without considering for people. That's why it may not be a very good thing at the end of the day, even if you argue that, "Well at least I tried!" cos your mere trying made someone feel really bad.

I guess it hurts quite a bit, not being able to be there for people, even though they keep saying don't worry or don't think that way or worst of all, you don't have to. Even though they might not mean it that way, but honestly, it does hurt when you're trying so hard to be there for people and caring for them and they tell you, please don't worry about them. It's like, a lil painful? I donno. Maybe that's just me. But that doesn't stop me from caring for certain people, does it? So well, I guess that's the way things go.

It hurts everytime. Every single time. But that's not a reason to give up! It doesn't hurt cos someone made me feel sad or whatsoever, but because you care for the person, that's why it hurts. But like I said, that's not a reason to let go cos letting go's going to hurt more than the hurt I felt. Anyway, this isn't supposed to be emo! Haha. So please don't misunderstand this post!! Haha.

So guys, please do know that someone out there cares for you, from the bottom of his/her heart. So =)

So the question is, do you care for someone, as though he/she's more important than you are? Go figure. I know I do.

-js-

Sanity

2007-08-26T13:10:00.000+08:00

Was thinking, you keep me sane, just like how you keep some others sane. Everyone comes to you with their problems and you take it and try to help.

But then again, who do you go to when you're about to go insane?

I donno, but it hurts real bad when you know someone's got limited access to sanity, with all the shit that people come with.

Well, that means it's time to grow up and stop whining. At least that helps!

No more whining!!=)

-js-

Blob

2007-08-19T13:09:00.000+08:00

Prelims' a torture. The believe you have in yourself disappears the moment you leave your seat after the paper. Sighs. Oh wells. There goes my B B C C. Think it's more of erm, E S S U. Quite retarded.

Life's been like a blob. Been slacking since I donno when. 3 more papers to go. Shall study for those 3 papers.

Blob. =)

-js-

Hello world

2007-08-13T13:55:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD! I'm back. All thanks to trusty friends who know what it means to be a friend! =)

Yupp, am fine already(:

Cheerios sunshine!I'm fine, really. Trust. =)

-js-

2007-08-13T08:06:00.000+08:00

I can't stop tearing. I practically cried myself to sleep last night after reading the previous messages. Felt rather breathless and was on the verge of hyperventilation. Just could not control and really, like how the pundits say, and the flood gates opened. Why on earth did I doubt? Now it's all gone.

Cried so many rivers that even Timberlake should give me an award. Teared, cried and still doing so, like a big baby.

It just goes to show it's important to me.

-js-

I'm sorry

2007-08-12T08:31:00.000+08:00

"So what if you're over it? It doesn't deny the fact that it once happened!" That line, really sat me thinking. It really is my fault, for thinking too much, for not understanding you better, for not seeing that you actually do reciprocate and that you don't just keep taking.

"Why're you more concerned whether or not things will be the same instead of studying for prelims?" 'cos you're really as important, if not more important than prelims. I can't make you see it that way 'cos it just isn't you.

I guess I've hurt you too deep to even ask for anything. I'm sorry, apparently that's all I can say. It's my fault.

I promised not to make you feel sad, not be allow you to feel anything negative and whatever and look what I did. It's just dumb. I know you don't want to accept anything now and you're just being nice by accepting it. Guess that says a lot.

I'm sorry.

Not a business

2007-08-11T10:33:00.000+08:00

I guess being nice to people ain't like putting coins into a vending machine. It doesn't mean that $1 worth of coins can be exchanged for $1 worth of happiness. It doesn't matter how much you give cos you cannot expect people to just reciprocate and give back the same amount of even more. I guess we can only see the returns as a form of added bonus. At least that makes things easier and happier. I'm starting to become incoherent. There's just so much I wanna say but it's all jumbled up, mixed and whatever. Really kinda tired of having to think of ways to make things more interesting without coming across as a piece of gum. You know the feeling when, you're feeling sick of something but yet, just don't want to give up? Yea. That's the feeling right now.

Can't believe I just did another 45 minutes wait. I just want to do it but after doing it, I go, "What the hell have I just done." Everything I do's based on impulse right now, which is quite dumb.

I think it really is time to take a chill pill. Look on the bright side, you get to save some messages! But I don't want to, that's the problem. Ever tried waiting 1 entire day for a simple morning greeting, before convincing yourself that it's not going to happen 'cos there's no reason to? Ever tried sending morning greetings just so that get to message someone? That's pathetic from my point of view. But guess who's doing it? Wow.

Starting to use music as a way of getting away from all the shit. Music seems to be the only thing I can use to express myself and to vent my anger. But everytime I play the piece 'Reflections' with all that sixtet notes, I feel fine again. So I'll happily return to my room and the feeling sinks in again. Music's the only salvation.

It's not your fault, I suppose. I guess it's just part of learning and realizing that there's more to it that you expected. Maybe like what some people said, there's always a first time and usually first times fail.

I'd rather some people not be so nice or sweet, just so I don't do comparisions. 'cos when that happens, people'll start to be seen as inconsistant with their actions which really is, I must say, rather vexing and irritating. Not your fault. It's mine, for being overly possessive and irritating and being an ass.

-js-

Brain exploding

2007-08-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

My brain is exploding. Period.

--------------

(: (: (: (: (: =)

-js-

Poem.

2007-07-31T20:29:00.000+08:00

If missing you is a crime,
I’m in the death row.
If caring for you is a disease,
I’m in ICU and,
If liking is a sin,
I just bought the first ticket to hell.

-js-

2 cm

2007-07-31T18:45:00.000+08:00

Want to know the distance of 2cm? Ask me. I'll tell you it means a potentially extra 2 months of NS. Freak. Oh my goodness can? 2cm!! Argh. And to make things worse, my jump's getting from bad to worse. Really can't stand it. Been jumping everyday, asking Ganaesh to look at my form and jumping technique. Argh. Just hope I can jump that extra 2cm on Friday. Gosh.

Anyway, school's been rather hectic. Not sure what I'm doing, feeling rather burnt these days. Lack of sleep? Not very sure. Tired. That's for sure.

-js-

Images of the slideshow

2007-07-19T19:34:00.000+08:00

Images of the slideshow keep running through my mind. My day was effectively destroyed even before school started. But then again, who can I blame? The other 2? No I can't. Myself? Most probably I suppose. I guess it takes more than courage to say,"Okay, let's move on from here." It takes, not only courage, and when I say courage, I mean lots and lots and lots of courage, and also lots of pride. It's not easy to let things go or at least, attempt to let things go.

Life really isn't fair. But then again, who ever said that life is fair? When people say,"Wah lao, really damn unfair la! I study so hard still like that!" or "Wah lao! I do so much for him/her, but he/she still don't like me. No fair la!" Ever asked yourself if you saw yourself reaching the final destination of things? Or if you even knew that it was all going to end and that whatever you did was right, in the first place? Or that what you've been doing was for the better of everyone and that it was what you had to do? Or that what you've been doing was in fact, correct and on the right track? Or that you really did spend time and effort, sweat and maybe a lil drop of blood or two, just so as to make things that lil bit better? If you didn't, then please don't ever say life is unfair.

We all say that life is unfair when we don't see our efforts getting recognized. Yes, that's a big enough reason for us to rant away like Bosola, and be a malcontent. It's in human nature that we want to get what we deserve. But then, how'd you what you deserve for your actions? Are you so sure that what you've been doing's the right thing to do? Have you been studying the correct way? Have you been doing the right questions for the exams? Have you been really concentrating during your study period? Have you even been doing the right things when courting someone? Have you been thinking of whether or not what you're doing, is right? If not, please don't ever say life is unfair.

I'm not trying to prove that my life is indeed unfair. 'cos that's not my point. Let's just be perfectly honest around here. 1 month to the end of my term and I screwed it all up. I only had 1 last project left and I screwed it all up. I lost friends 'cos of it, I lost respect 'cos of it, I even lost the dignity 'cos of it. I lost my future 'cos of it. I lost almost everything that I was proud of 'cos of it. Now then, would I not be in a better position to say, life is unfair? I don't get to attend Honours Night 'cos of 5 secs of my life. I don't get recognition on my CV and SGC for the 11 months worth of work 'cos of 5 secs of my life. I don't get damn hell shit cos of 5 secs of my life. My life is effectively ruined cos of 5 secs of my life. School thinks it's only fair to be punished for what I did wrong and I second the idea. But is there a need to throw away all contributions made to the school, all 11 months of it, just 'cos of 5 secs of my life? You can strip me of the position, you can give me a million demerit points for all I care but you cannot take all those contributions away from me. It's just not right to do so. I know the teachers will just say, in society, so long as you make a mistake, you get punished and you'll lose everything, face it. Yes. But they get a second chance, to gain whatever they lost back from society. But do I have that second chance? Was I given the chance to gain it back? I don't think so.

I don't see why I can't write all that I've done over the past few months in my SGC. Am I, lying about my contributions? Am I, smoking my way through it? Am I, making things up? For damn hell sure, I ain't. So why can't I write what's the truth in it? Just because I did something wrong for 5 secs? Just because I didn't exemplify myself for 5 secs? You want the truth? Then tell me, which part of, I was the one who chose to step down even before anyone of you approached me, a lie? Or which part of, I sacrificed my time, though definately not as much as my president or his secretary did, just so as to make sure that things were running in order and that things were done, a lie? Or which part of I still continued to do my best for the CCA even after stepping down, a lie? Which part? Tell me in the face, tell me which damn part is a lie. The SGC calls for nothing but the truth. Am I not giving you the truth? Am I not giving the whole world the truth?

100 mins of good can be destroyed by 5 secs of evil. But 5 secs of evil can never, will never, be forgotten even after 100 mins of good. That's the fact of life. That's what life is about. It's all about image. It's all about maintaining that clean image. This world calls for a spotless image. 1 mistake and your life is gone, might as well die.

If you say, "C'mon it's only 1 setback, you'll have many setbacks in life." Then let me ask you, have you been in my situation? If you haven't then please don't make yourself sound as though you've been through it. Face it, some setbacks will never be forgotten. They stay with you for the rest of your life. You can't forget about it, 'cos people will always remind you of it.

To all potential Honours Night people, please go for it. It matters. So if you see this, please go for it k?Don't miss out. Treat it as a favour from me k?Really.(:

Yes people. The paradox of life, unfair. But who gives a damn about what you've been through? They only care about the final result. Process more important than result? Not in this school, not in this family, not in this society, not in this country, that's for sure.

I sound bitter? You bet I am. I sound like I deserve a wake up call? Look at yourself before you say anything. I sound damn arrogant? Too bad, that's just me. I didn't force you to read this. You feel you blood boiling as you read this and you're about to spam my tagboard scolding me? Up to you, I didn't force you to read it. You think I'm trying to milk sympathy? Oh please, I've been through enough to know that milking of sympathy only makes you feel even more insecure. So yes.

-js-

Long time

2007-07-11T21:55:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I last updated! Kinda surprised though.

Managed to finish both History questions that are meant for tutorial tomorrow. Oh yes! I need to print them, like after this. Haha.

Having flu again. Which is like the donno how many times this month. Should have gotten the heater on. Haha. Lazy la. So that's why laziness does to you. Oh well.

Guess I have to get used to inconsistent conversations on MSN. But that aside, I've to be happy and count my blessings that at least they still take place, even though it's only for like a few minutes before it ends. I'm happy still.

Oh, for your infomation, sotongs ARE sea creatures!

Silly people, silly sea creatures. I'm happy still. =)

I'm really lucky. Thanks.(:

-js-

Sorry

2007-06-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

Sorry for being like that in the previous post eh? Give me a reason to look forward to waking up at 630am everyday, reaching school at 715am everyday.

I'm sure it will all be over soon. If it's possible, I'd like to walk behind you, 'cos I know you'll want to handle it alone. But yet, just want to make sure you'll not fall, no matter what.

-js-

Fucking retarded

2007-06-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

Fucking retarded. Firstly, I didn't ask around, so get that right. Told you I hate being accused of doing something. I don't really give a fuck how big or how small the thing is. Get that right.

Secondly, if that's what you want, fine. I really cannot be bothered. Well, maybe I still can but it's really reaching the limit soon. I'll be honest. It's harder than I expected.

Up to you. Really. Seriously, period.

And please, stop what YOU are doing. I don't care if I'm pissing you off.

-js-

不放。

2007-06-23T18:05:00.000+08:00

想通了。不放。=)

不是你的错，也不是任何人的错。顺其自然还是最好。

若是让你伤心，抱歉。知道道歉没用，但只能这么说。对不起。

-js-

感言

2007-06-23T14:54:00.000+08:00

老实说，我还真是累了。这一个星期自己都没好好的睡个好觉。等待是多么的痛苦。试过为了一则简讯而从晚上十一点钟等到凌晨一两点钟吗？等到自己真的无法再等了，才失望的去睡。

我也不知道为什么自己会傻傻的为了一分钟而等上一个小时。关心？只知道自己突然很想这么做，也不管自己会不会等到。

我还真的哭了。好久都没哭了。虽说男儿有泪不轻弹(不知哪一个tan2)，但自己还真是哭了。不是因为自己无法再承受这一些问题，而是因为。。我也不知道。只知道泪不由自主的流了下来。这一两天的心情不是很好，动不动就会骂人。

自己不管怎么样，还是一个臭阿明的样子(chao ah beng)。发现每当自己不开心或有事时，就会摆出一个死阿明的样子。可能就是因为这样最近几天都引来不少不必要的麻烦。

够了。累了。真的累了。第一次叫人别回复简讯。我不想再为谁添麻烦，或缠着别人。说得过吗？说得倒容易。自己是否会这么做？我不觉得。

这，也算太直接吗？

一直说自己多么的累，可没想到她也会累。抱歉，可能就是因为自己过于自私。

碰面时，自己也没向人打个招呼，算什么？自找的。

给我一个不放弃的理由吧。朋友问过：“值得吗？”自己顿了一会儿，想了想。心中有了答案。 “不值得。”可能自己已回答了自己的问题。是时候放手？不舍得也舍不得。

暧昧关系。那是什么？

我不曾说过要和任何人在一起。不知为何很多人都说不要逼。很想知道为何这么多人认为我在逼。可能是因为自己对此事过于坦率，没顾到对方的感受。抱歉。

又哭了。一个大男生在一个下午，整整哭了两三次。是时候收拾心情。

真希望能。。能？我不知道。苏永康有一首歌“男人不该让女人流泪”。

没受到你的简讯不是一件好事，但至少你能好好的冷静。Take care. 就只能这么做。

喜欢一个人不须拥有，只要对方开心，就够了。但，有时自己很想让对方开心，而做出一些让人纳闷的举动。抱歉。

希望你已好一点了。

-js-

Athena, please be better

2007-06-22T13:09:00.000+08:00

Please be better alright? Much as you keep saying you're fine but you know la huh? Can sense that something's not right. So, just please be better a'ights? Bao? =/

----------------------

Going for a haircut soon. Oh no. No more long fringes and no more long back. Ah shucks. Haha. Wasted. Nevermind! =)

-js-

Cookie delivery

2007-06-21T01:09:00.000+08:00

It ain't really fun sitting outside VCH, waiting for someone for about an hour or so. Not especially since you're feeling hungry and sleepy. But when you see someone and you finally pass that parcel over, you know it's worth it. =)

-js-

Really darn fine!

2007-06-19T12:06:00.000+08:00

Well, had a nice dinner with about 1 thirds of the section last night. Had lots of laughs and fun. Yupps. She looked darn fine. Understatement. Thinking of another word to use but ah forget it. You get the idea.

History consultation right after this. How nice! I'm totally looking forward to it. Right? =)

Heart to heart talks are good. They keep you sane.

Dating a girl's harder than striking 4-D. Ha. You can say that again.

-js-

Bored to death

2007-06-17T21:22:00.000+08:00

Life hasn't beem exactly very interesting for the past few days. Seems rather common for me to comment that life's been rather mundane and boring. Not surprisingly, I had fun while doing library CIP. I insist on calling it CIP. Haha. It was rather interesting to spend an afternoon with a few rascals in the library.

I realize that I don't think very well at night. Especially when it's somewhere like 1am or 2am. Or worse, 4am in the morning. Woke up, asking myself what on earth did I just do a few hours ago. A'ights now that shows my brain's dead. But I guess I tend to say what's true only when it's like some unearthly hour? Not very sure. Ah heck. Can't really be bothered with it no more. Not since it ALREADY happened right? Shoots.

CAPERS starts tomorrow. Sighs. Now that means more work and more lessons even before school starts. I've been feeling rather angsty lately. Been snapping at a few people over the past few days. Either it's the songs on Power 98 or that the rain's been affecting my lil anatomy called the brain. Or for whatever reason, I've decided to not be Mr. Patient. But then again, I've never been very patient with anyone. Well, we'll see.

Band of the month, Maroon 5. Not sure why. Power 98 says so. I've been dropping dedications lately. I guess the DJs know my name by now. Haha. I'm going nuts. Signs that I should really stop sleeping at 2am and waking up at 5am. Going crazy.

Packed my table. Got pissed off a couple of times when my mum kept calling for me especially since she knew I was busy. And why did she call for me? 'cos she wanted me to help her load the pictures from the camera. Or should I say, she wanted to pass me the memory stick. Like what?! I mean, is there a need to call for me like a million times just to pass me some retarded piece of metal+plastic? Crazy. Would it kill to just leave it on the table? Madness. It's as though if I don't go get it, I'll just like, disintegrate and cease to exist.

Feeling angsty and in the mood for some rock music. Sadly, I don't have many rock songs. A'ights, I guess that means, time to hit the organ. =)

-js-

Athena's not fine

2007-06-14T18:40:00.000+08:00

It's halfway through, or slightly more than halfway through the June hols. Hmm. Now that's not very good given I haven't really done much. I shall start soon. Or should I say, I need to start soon.

Back hasn't been very good lately. Experienced a couple of spasm moments during enCOre and had one during lunch. Hmm. Not really sure why too. Ah so much for being in PES A. Haha. Guess it doesn't affect?

2a-7am-2am-8am-1am-6am = going to fall sick and dying from fatigue soon.

-js-

Nice song

2007-06-13T21:43:00.000+08:00

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into Your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you -
Yeah I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

-------------

Everything I do, I do it for you. Yea.

-js-

Damn Dulan!!

2007-06-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

The following was typed with a damn dulan mood, coupled with getting pissed by a few people. So don't take it personally. Thanks.

Damn dulan. Just super damn kaobei dulan. It's been a long time since I last cursed like this. But it really is sibei kaobei damn dulan! It's not 'cos I saw some people while studying today, neither was it 'cos we all went off together. It's something else that really makes me damn kaobei dulan. I'm trying not to press the "F" on the keyboard 'cos I know the letter "U" will come next, so I shall not do so.

Damn dulan la! No response. Seriously no response. Or lack of response. Aiyah donno la. Just damn dulan. And tomorrow still must go back school for that CIP thing. Whatever la. DULAN!

I also donno why I wake up so early do all these things. Sit there want to go toilet also cannot. Hungry also cannot go eat. I also donno why I'm doing this to myself. Supposed to go watch movie to chill and relax in the end, walked around aimlessly for donno how long. Damn dulan. Just suay la. My fault.

-js-

Last Day

2007-06-09T08:14:00.000+08:00

It's now. It's the last day of my season. It sure is sad to know that after 6 years of being involved in CO, it's coming to an end, just like that. Happy that I won't have to stress myself over it again, sad that I won't be able to stress myself over it again. How I wish, I'd be in CO for a longer time.

I'll miss the times when the L people talk rubbish and indulge in silly conversations.
I'll miss the times when we discuss about gong fa and zhi fa.
I'll miss the times when we encourage each other.
I'll miss the times when my hair stands afer listening to the er hus or gao hus.
I'll miss the times when we all take the same train home after CO.
I'll miss the times seeing you play during combined, attractive.
I'll miss the times seeing you get busy 'cos of CO.
I'll miss ACCO.

Today's the day. Make it perfect. I will want to.

1 thing at a time boy, 1 thing at a time.

-----------------------

Sometimes I wonder if you really know what I'm trying to say, 'cos it's rather ambiguous and hazy. I can only look back at the times in MPH and say to myself, I'm a lucky boy. Yea.

-js-

Fun Photos

2007-06-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

Puffy people. =/

Puffy friend.

Yes Calvin, I know you're feeling happy. Haha.

Pleasures of life. =)

Some interesting photos. =)

-js-

Retarded

2007-05-29T16:16:00.000+08:00

It seriously is retarded when almost every conversation ends with us having to avoid certain topics and say next or stop. Not that you're retarded but it's just very pissing off to see you having to handle it all. Maybe it's 'cos I'm part of the reason that's why it's so hard to even explain. Whatever the issue, it's just like that.

I think I should disappear from MSN too, just so that I don't piss you off even more. Period.

Oh yea, I'm in PES A. How's that for trying to get out of it. Wow.

-js-

A Walk to Remember

2007-05-27T09:37:00.000+08:00

Had one of the most memorable nights just 12 hours ago. It was nice, or interesting, or boring, however you choose to see it. But I know it was nice. To put it mildly it was, nice. One of the best 2 hours I could ever ask for. Not to forget there were fireworks! =)

I guess it was really a walk to remember for quite some time.

-js-

One Boy, One Girl

2007-05-25T23:44:00.000+08:00

He finally gave in to his friend's girlfriend when she said,
There's someone you should meet.
At a crowded restaurant way cross town,
He waited impatiently.
When she walked in,
Their eyes met,
And they both stared.
And right there and then,
Everyone else disappeared, but,

One boy,
One girl.
Two hearts beating wildly,
To put it mildly it was love at first sight.
He smiled,
She smiled.
And they knew right away,
This was the day they'd waited for all their lives.
For a moment the whole world,
Revolved around one boy,
And one girl.

In no time at all,
They were standing there,
In the front of a little church.
Among their friends and family,
Repeating those sacred words.
The preacher said,
Son kiss your bride.
And he raised her veil.
Like the night they met,
Time just stood still, for,

One boy,
One girl.
Two hearts beating wildly,
To put it mildly it was love at first sight.
He smiled,
She smiled.
And they knew right away,
This was the day they'd waited for all their lives.
For a moment the whole world,
Revolved around one boy,
And one girl.

He was holdin her hand when the doctor looked up and grinned,
Congratulation, twins.

One boy,
One girl.
Two hearts beating wildly,
To put it mildly it was love at first sight.
He smiled,
She smiled.
And they knew right away,
This was the day they'd waited for all their lives.
For a moment the whole world,
Revolved around one boy,
And one girl.

--------------

Yups. One of the best songs I've heard in a long time. =)

I guess I tend to forget how people would feel when I'm talking to them. Guess that's something I have to work on. But, I didn't mean to cause any sadness or whatsoever.

If it's meant to be, it will be, even after leaving it as it is for a moment. And I will remember what you said today. It was enough to make my day. Really. Thanks.

-js-

Turds who deserve to be shot

2007-05-23T19:18:00.000+08:00

Firstly, good job Ronnie. You did well! Now for the last day. C'mon!

Secondly, c'mon ACCO. 16 days to enCOre. You guys can do it again.

Thirdly, C'mon Liverpool.

Lastly, C'mon boy. You're strong than all this shit. I know you can get your butt out of it all. Stop making people worried 'cos they care, too much. Go, you imbecile turd! C'mon! Drown yourself in Milo and starve yourself to death using chupa chups!

-End of Part I-

1 liner answers that seems disinterested. Whatever. Tired. Tired of it all, same as everyone.

-js-

My antidotes

2007-05-20T09:16:00.000+08:00

My antidotes. You've really changed my life. No more Hoegaardens. It's pokka! =)

All sorted out

2007-05-18T20:37:00.000+08:00

Well, everything's sorted out and yea, everything's fine right now. I guess it's only through such problems that friends become better friends and that people understand people better eh? Yea.

Well, I'm happy. Pokka! =)

-js-

Hard to swallow

2007-05-16T21:29:00.000+08:00

Well, I guess there are certain things in life that are indeed rather hard to swallow. People need their own space and all that shit but I suppose sometimes it's just hard to take la huh? Not that we should be allowed to control people's lives but then again, it's just that some things seem to affect us more than other minute stuff does.

Aiyah I should just shoot myself in the head la. Just like how I feel like shooting some people in the head. Reuben was saying how he should be allowed to bring a chopper to school to just chop people who are just plain irritating and deserve to die. Haha. Sounds like a good idea, given how things are going. Yea. Sometimes I just feel like slapping you in the face for all that shit that you give. Not like you don't want to do it. But I just can't be bothered with you. I offer you friendship and trust and this is what you give in return then I see no reason to not wanting to just wrench your head off your neck.

I feel like letting things slide and just move on in life but it just pisses me off damn bad la. It's like people just can't seem to be themselves when we're all bumming around together. And you just have to be everywhere we decide to bum to. Not that you can't choose where you wanna bum around and that I really have to control over who you choose to bum with but yea la. It just pisses me off la. Aiyah like I said, I should just shoot myself in the head. I'm just being jealous. Haha. Yea. Think I got that right. Yups.

-js-

Xinling

2007-05-15T21:25:00.000+08:00

Met new people today. I supposed it kinda changed my perspective of things. Really felt that life's just so short and how everything's just so unimportant. The only thing that's real is music. Music is the only thing that makes people love and like. Passion for music's not possible without love. But love can only be expressed through Music. Yes. Music that personifies love. How nice right? Then again, it's only a theory.

Someone asked, "如果她不喜欢你，你会不会继续喜欢她?" Well my answer to that was, "We'll see." I kinda learnt that there ain't such a thing as forever. Forever exists only when people enjoy what's going on and only at that very moment. I suppose Cal's experience taught me to not promise people I'd like someone forever. Ruth's experience taught me that anything can happen, even though you feel confident about things and more importantly, never ever promise.

It's kinda rubbish. Yea. Random rubbish. Too full to drink. So I shall not drink for the week 'cos I think it's time to not drink. Yea. Say goodbye to Carlsberg, Hi to Coke! Haha. =D

-js-

盲目乐观

2007-05-14T22:07:00.000+08:00

盲目的乐观不是不好，只是有点傻。
盲目的快乐不是不对，只是有点假。
盲目的喜欢不是不能，只是有点烦。
盲目的关心不是不该，只是有点累。

这两天所发生的一切让我彻底的了解自己。我还真是发现原来自己并没有自己所想像一样的坚强、勇敢。但至少自己还蛮幸运的，有一群好朋友，无时无刻都在鼓励自己要振作。

都说了，喜欢一个人就要大声说出来，但有时会伤了两人之间的友谊。

喜欢人不是不对，只是有时不应该那么直接吧。不怕自己会尴尬，只怕别人会不知所措。

我真的已经好多了。相信我吧。

-js-

疯了

2007-05-13T21:35:00.000+08:00

他们说喜欢一个人就要大声说出来。但往往都是少了那一份勇气而不敢说。又或者是怕两人的友情会受影响而不说，结果伤害了更多人。忌妒能使人失去理智，我想我也快疯了。

-js-

ACCO SYF'07 - GOLD

2007-05-10T20:36:00.000+08:00

ACCO SYF 2007 - GOLD =)

That says it all. Thanks guys for working together. All the emotional outbursts and conflicts, together with all the nice days and nice music, we finally did it. Haha. I can't tell you guys how proud I am of it and it really has been my honour to lead or attempt to lead you guys. I know I piss people off quite badly at times but it's all 'cos I wanna get the Gold and hope you guys can get it too. So yea. Thanks for enduring.

Orchestra number 1, Anglo-Chinese Junior College, Gold. =)

Thanks people.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you Zhonghu - Kelly and Alyssa for calming me down and believing in me.

Thank you Cello/Bass - Thanks for staying back to get bar 11 right.

Thank you Xianyue - Thanks for doing what you guys have to do and for producing nice music.

Thank you Calvin - Thanks for trusting me with stuff and for getting me to stay strong.

Thank you Daji - Thanks for being united and pulling through.

Thank you Guanyue - Thanks for working hard to get your pitching right.

Thank you Tanbo - Thanks for working hard to get all your parts right even though most of you are newlearners.

Thank you teachers - Thank you all for your dedication and passion for it all. More importantly, thank you Miss Too, for making me feel very much better. Thanks for really understanding what I was going through and your talk that really made me feel alive again.

Thank you - Really wanna thank you for working so darn hard for the section. Guess it kinda made you all tired and stressed and everything. Puffy eyes and all. Really sorry for making you worry and stuff during that period. Thanks for really believing and asking me to keep faith and all. Thanks. You've been an excellent friend.

Thank you ACCO - Yups. Thanks. I guess it says it all. =)

May 10th, 2007. A day that belongs to the whole of ACCO.

-js-

Dinner at Hollan V

2007-04-29T13:21:00.000+08:00

Had dinner with the CO chaps at Holland V last night. It was rather interesting, given all the silly jokes and mad pictures that we took of one another. Yups. That's what I call fellowship with friends. =) It's nice to be with friends after a tiring week of work and CO. But I'm sure we'll all do well cos we're gonna encourage each other!

It's 11 days to SYF. At the rate we're going, we won't be able to make our goal. That's why we need a whole new attitude. I'm going to be frank about it cos I don't think there's a need to be all nice and calm about it. I'm damn hell sure I'm flustered over the issue! That's why we need to tell ourselves we can do it, will do it. And that means putting in the amount of effort needed to get our bums to that elusive Gold award. C'mon guys, let's do it alright?

And please don't stress yourself out. It's not going to do us any good if you suffer a burnout at this current time. Guys, please help the people around you by doing what you have to do and a lil bit of extra. Not too hard right? So please. Thanks

Well, here're a couple of pictures from last night.

Yea say hi to Darrell. LOL!

Hi Kah Joon. Yes you do look very cool. =)

Okay maybe this wasn't from last night but who can resist the sexy Hockey Capt' aka Flash? LOL!!

-js-

YaKun

2007-04-19T23:24:00.000+08:00

Well, ShuWei Yanni Jerome and I decided to get some YaKun toast after school today. It was Jerome's virgin experience, or so he says. LOL! It's really hard to believe he thought it was some Jap eating place. LOL! Rights. YaKun simply rocked our asses. Whoots. All the egg and toast and teh. Oh my gosh. Katong Laksa next week. Right not Shuwei? Haha. =P

Felt damn good during History today. I finally understand what's going on. Yups! =) Let's hope tomorrow will be the same. Oh ya. Congrats to guitar. =)

-js-

RVCO GOLD WITH HONOURS! =)

2007-04-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

The following post is dedicated to RvCo:

Well, I'm just proud to be able to say that RvCo did it. I ponned school on Wednesday to watch the juniors perform on stage for SYF 07. And it damn hell was worth every minute of lesson missed. They were the first ones on stage. YanRong Kiang and I arrived at 8 plus, just in time to catch them while they were still at Level 1. Sat around before collecting our tickets. But that's besides the point.

Entered the hall, took our seats and prepared ourselves for RvCo. They went on stage, dressed in gold and a lil red, I think. Haha. I saw my lil junior Pearlyn and some others as well. The new conductor came on stage. His style was very different. But you could see the intensity in their eyes. That passion for their music, their eagerness to do well. The whole hall was silent. The baton moved. The first note was played. It was surreal. No words can describe what it was like. We were feeling nervous for them but yet confident that they would be able to do well.

Not only did they do well. They did it. I really am proud of RvCo and whatever she has accomplished over the course of 2 years. They promised to get that coverted Honours back. They did. Without a doubt. That's what I call the RV Spirit. We didn't care about politics. We only wanted to bond as a family and produce music. That's what makes us different from other schools. I'm just so proud to be a part of RvCo.

The moment when the results were announced was like ___. Everythin seemed to come to a standstill. I remember myself letting everyone know that I was from RvCo by shouting, "YEA!!" super duper loudly together with Kiang. Haha. I wanted to scream, "That's the shit!" Haha.

RvCo - You guys did brilliantly well. You guys deserve more than an Honours. =) <3

I miss those times. It doesn't matter that we didn't get the Honours in 05. All that matters' the fact that we won't be able to experience it ever again. Juniors who are in CO right now, cherish your time there. You won't want to waste it. Please. You'll know what's it like to be in a tight CO family only after leaving RvCo.

-js-

Weird Week

2007-04-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

It's been a rather weird week, full of ups and downs to say the least. CO's been rather alright these days and it's quite nice to see that everyone's starting to try their very best in getting that coverted Gold. Yea. I guess it ain't really about the final goal but more of the process. But then again, we all wish to get that Gold award for SYF eh? Yea. Sighs. It's kinda hard to imagine what things will be like if we fail to do so. Hmm.

Athena's been really sweet and nice. She's been trying to motivate all of us to be better. But she's also starting to feel the pressure and she's kinda stressed by all the shits' that's going on. Sighs. Cheer up girl! =) I'm here!! Haha. =P

And anyways, fuck off to all the bitches in this world. You have no right to meddle in people's business especially if it's about relationships. Point taken? Fuck off.

Oh. It's been a long time since we last had a long chat. Guess it's over? Hmm. But then again, how can it be over if it didn't even start? But you're still cute. =P Oh yea, thanks for being my friend or at least, ex-friend-now-stranger. =)

-js-

Haagen Dazs

2007-03-26T20:35:00.000+08:00

I just had Haagen Dazs Tiramisu Ice-cream. I feel like I'm in heaven. Haha. It's damn good. My gosh. My way of relaxing - Ice-cream + Soccer = Happy lil Jack. Haha. I'm loving it. Haha.

I think people think I'm dao cos I don't wave back but just smile and nod my head when they do smile and say hi to me. Haha.

-js-

Sat after terms

2007-03-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

Now that terms' over, it's time to reflect on how things have been. Hmm. Been a rollercoaster ride I suppose? Some days been absolutely wonderful. Others, been absolutely dreadful. It doesn't take you to be damn smart to know why. But all thanks to peope like Julian and Yanni, the week didn't seem half as bad it was. Yea.

Sighs. Thanks girl. Thanks for not doing anything. Thanks to myself. I haven't been doing anything as well. cos I don't dare do nuts.

-js-

17/3 The best day of my life so far

2007-03-18T19:08:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the most exciting day of my life. No not that I saw Stevie G on the streets. No not that I saw my A levels result slip with 4As on it, which I so want to see next year though. But the fact that I didn't waste the 5 hours till around 8.30 made it the best 5 hours ever. Yups. =) I sure had lots of fun. Haha. One wonders why eh? Surprisingly I didn't feel tired, neither did I feel hungry or whatsoever. I was just excited to be there. It felt kinda surreal and weird but yet, damn cool. Not sure if I'd have another chance like that again but hell yea that was the best day. The wait was kinda excruciating though. Haha. I resorted to reading a book, "Civil law in Singapore" Haha. Not too bad I suppose? But who cares? It was nice being there. Yea.

The walk to JP was kinda sad cos it ended just like that. How'd I wish it's Saturday all over again. Hmm. =/ But still, yea. I'm happy enough.

Met Boren on the way home. Haha. He came to Jurong to study cos he felt that Boon Lay Library's crowded. Cool beans. Haha. Interesting.

I forgot to mention. Girls who cover half their faces with their long hair look exceptionally pretty. =P

Finished organizing my Budget notes so that it's easier to revise. Shall finish level Macroecons before the Liverpool game. After which I shall just do a lil bit on level 1 and just recap using the mind map. =)

I like Math. I wonder why.

-js-

菊花台

2007-03-16T17:00:00.000+08:00

Just finished playing 菊花台on the organ. It was nice I suppose. Just that I have to improvise a lil more when it progresses into G major. Haha. Ain't very easy for me though. Not sure why. I'm starting to see music as an outlet for expressing your deepest thoughts and stuff. The piece I'm gonna do for my exams requires lots of expression. It's titled Laura, the song from 1940s. Haha. How nice right? It's a really awesome piece cos you'd have to really understand the song before you can even play the notes. =) I love pieces like that. Haha.

Suddenly, doing well for terms seem to be something that I'm obsessed with. Not only for myself but for others as well. I shall do well for terms to show what I'm capable of! =) I've decided to spurn the chance of going to the US for GYLC. The price to pay, literally is too great. And also, I'd have to do a mad rush to prepare for prelims which I feel ain't really worth it. I guess I just have to take comfort in the fact that I was actually accepted. =)

I'm looking forward to tomorrow!! But then again, everytime I look forward to something, it turns out all wrong. So yea. *fingers crossed*

-js-

Fucktards

2007-03-13T23:56:00.000+08:00

It's not my fucking problem if you're having a bad day. Just don't fucking let it out on me. All I said was 1 fuck. How many fucks do you say? And that 1 fuck doesn't warranty all your insults get that straight. Not especially after I said it's my fault. You fucking fuck I said I was not emo-ing do you have to say emo fuck gay? I'm not the one who's going to lose all my friends with this attitude. It's you. Picking a fight over nothing. Ask yourself how many times have you fought with a friend over Dota.

It's just a fucking game. Fuck.

-edit-

Misunderstanding over. Peace. Take care

-js-

Updates

2007-03-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

Well well well, it's been a really long time since I last updated eh? Nothing much I suppose. Apart from the never-ending pile of work and things to do, there really isn't anything that's worth remembering. That's very sad. I'm feeling very sleepy right now. How fun right? Yays.

Kenny Rogers' really good. I mean, Kenny Rogers the singer. =)

-js-

Dreadful Week

2007-02-25T12:32:00.000+08:00

It's been a rather dreadful week for me. Nothing seemed to go according to how I wanted it to. Felt like strangling certain people during the course of the week 'cos I got really pissed. I'm like wasting my time away. I'm like so bored. Damn it.

I'm bored.

Damien Rice - 9 Crimes

2007-02-25T12:25:00.000+08:00

Damien Rice - 9 Crimes

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
With you

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time but she's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?

No...

-js-

Bad week

2007-02-23T17:54:00.000+08:00

It's been a rather bad week. Firstly my hopes were dashed. Secondly people pissed the hell outta me real bad but didn't even realise it. Thirdly I got a D- for Lit, a subject that I really regret taking. Forthly, I'm feeling super duper sick. Wow. What a way to end the month.

Thanks for being my friend.

I realize that Yanni's my best female friend right now. =) Thanks Laoban's charboh. =P

-js-

Thanks a lot St. Valentine

2007-02-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

Well well, Valentine's day's over. So yea, did what I intended to do with a small lil buzz just before the execution. Yea. So erm, I guess it's up to me now eh? Kinda I suppose. It's gonna be AC celebrations tomorrow. Wow. Do me a favour, don't sleep during the first performence. You can sleep after that. Haha. =P

So erm, yea. So here's to all of you out there. Happy Lunar New Year. =)

-js-

Bad Week

2007-02-08T20:26:00.000+08:00

It's been a rather fucked up week. I haven't really been in the best of moods for this entire week. Monday was horrid. Can't really remember why but yea, it was horrid. Tuesday was kinda bad as well. Was pissed off by the math lecturer who apparently holds a Masters degree. Wow. Like how education is supposed to be holistic and all rounded and stuff. Like, dude. Tell me about it! =/

Yesterday was slightly better I suppose? But today was quite bad too. Felt really pissed with how stuff was going on in school. Skipped Math lecture to concentrate on my History, which unsurprisingly turned out to be the correct choice. Wow. How nice. History wasn't so bad today. Sir was rather turgid and funny. Yea. Calmness before a storm? I don't know! And I certainly do not want to know.

I have this very bad feeling that the barber's gonna come tomorrow. If he does, then all the best to me. Oh man. I so do not want to enter the barber shop. Oh fuck. At least after CNY right? Damn it.

Oh yea, 744 all the way. Ha.

-js-

Cross Country at the Turf

2007-02-07T20:36:00.000+08:00

Well, just reached home from Serene Centre. Had Macs with some of the hockey boys before being joined by the soccer dudes. Haha. Was laughing my ass off throughout the dinner. We were doing lots of stupid things like trying to lick Jason's sundae and play with Ganaesh's mayo. Haha. But it was indeed very funny. We even polluted the mind of a toddler. Haha. Super funny.

Cross country was very tiring. It's either I'm weak or that it was super hot. I suppose it's a mixture of both. Had lots of fun running with Oliver and Joshua and Zhenrong, with all 3 at different points of the run. Haha. Quite interesting seh! =P Had an even better time doing cheerleading with the usual people. LOL! Number 744 seh! Think it's correct la. Haha. I happened to run into the wrong lane. Haha. Ran into CKS instead of TCT. Why? 'cos I could not find TCT's lane. Haha. Turned out that TCT was just beside CKS. Haha. But heck. Saw Sijay standing near CKS. So just whacked. LOL!

-js-

It's another week

2007-01-28T17:44:00.000+08:00

Well, it's another week. The previous time I actually updated this blog's last week. Haha. How coincidental.

J2 life isn't very interesting. It's one of the worst times I've ever had. Workload's been like madness since the start of this year. With the first month of 2007 going to be over, it isn't going to be a very rosy 2007.

I injured myself in the gym the other day. Haha. How smart.

-js-

Sunday

2007-01-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

It's monday again. Oh my gosh. Argh. Nevermind. I shall attempt to be happy! Wow. How convincing.

History term assignment killed me like nuts. Argh.

My eyes are popping out. I'm tired.

Nights.

<3 to you.

-js-

Sick, again

2007-01-19T22:58:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm sick, again. No not in the head or mind by literally. It sucks being sick la. Like, when your nose is constantly running and stuff's like flowing out of it. Yea you get it. It's not very nice. Not at all. Tsk.

Well, didn't get to pass vayl her stuff today. It's okay. Kinda used to it. Not about her not being able to keep to her word but more of not getting what I envisioned or wanted. It's like the more I think of what's going to happen, the more it won't. It's kinda accurate! Not sure why either. Maybe this is what they mean by the higher the hopes the higher the chances of getting disappointed. Hmms. Food for thought I presume?

My number one shall be Fpoh now. Haha. That sure is funny! Right guys? =P

But then don't forget. Lin Chiling shall always be my number one!! Haha!! =)

-js-

Ang Mohs

2007-01-18T21:54:00.000+08:00

It was a rather fun day today, hanging out with Boren, Xiangun and the rest during break. Haha. Continued with our people watching session which was super funny today, cos our dear Boren insists that the PLMGS girl was looking at him. Haha. And so was Ganeash la! Haha. That's damn funny. Not cos of the fact that Nesh's an Indian but cos of the way he said it. LOL!

History today was so not fun. I was struggling, trying to even understand what Sir was saying. My gosh la. Like what Astroboy Boren said, "History's taking over my life. I'm writing my GP essay in a History way la!" Yea. That's how bad things are. I'm filling my GP essay with more History facts than ever. My gosh. But I guess it's all part of learning History? =/

Tomorrow's going to be an interesting day. Why? 'cos our dear lil saint vayl's going to pass me stuff! Whoots! But then again, we'll see if she's punctual. Haha.

-js-

Life as a J2

2007-01-16T22:28:00.000+08:00

Life as a J2 isn't very smooth sailing. Had my fair share of overwhelming sadness just last night. I just felt so helpless and so very weak all of a sudden. Felt that life was really unfair to me and that as if everyone had owed me something, one way or another. Had a talk with Dad over dinner and I suppose that made me feel slightly better. But I'm better now. =)

Had chocolate cake for supper, which made me feel really nice and fuzzy. Haha. And not to forget 1 carton of fresh milk. My oh my, nothing can get better than that. =) I'm easily satisfied. Haha. Yea.

It's going to be Wednesday tomorrow. Let's just hope that CO won't be too bad tomorrow. And come to think of it, it's already Week 2 of Term 1. Now that's scary alright? Yea. Oh my gosh. Mr Ngoei's right. Time DOES fly. Crap.

I miss my friends, people whom I've not seen for years. Emo time. Nah. Just feeling a lil wasted, that's all. Maybe I should call. Or wait? I'm not sure.

-js-

My birthday

2007-01-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

Well, my 18th birthday's over. Haha yea. Well, I must say that I had an enjoyable time with my friends of AA5 and AA4 while in school. Had a cake with Shuwei and that's all thanks to my class! Whoots! Haha. Will post the pictures here when I receive it. Got erm. Taupoked by 10 people, including XiangUn who JUMPED and landed on me and also Samuel See and JEROME who yea, did the same thing. Except that Jerome rolled off the pack and landed on the floor. Haha. Funny shit. Got dunked into the pool after school la! Haha. That's what you get for having a swimming pool within your school. Haha. But nonetheless it was uber fun.

Had a wonderful dinner that night and nice moose cake! Haha. My fav. Thanks mum/dad.

But then again, I didn't get to celebrate it with that blur girl who still doesn't know what's going on. Or at least that's what I think it is. Oh nevermind, we're all busy people. And then again, we can't really blame anyone for having their own thoughts and ways of looking at things. Don't force la huh? =)

-js-

First Day of School

2007-01-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

Not a bad day in school today I suppose? Ha. Nothing much spectacular happened today. Hmm, let's see. I was nearly late, through no fault of my own that is. Long story. Haha. Saw a few potentially good looking people. =P Fine fine fine. Haha.

Just finished History question 3. Sighs. It's tough!! Argh. Well well well, we only have 7 more months. Go go go!! =)

-js-

New Year

2007-01-01T01:57:00.000+08:00

Year 2006 has entered the history books. Gone are the days where we write date ending with 2006. All aboard people! It's the bandwagon for 2007! Everything shall start anew. That's rather nice to look forward to I suppose? Well, for this first entry of the year, let's do some recap on what ever that happened in 2006. =)

January - Well, January wasn't so bad for the year 2006. I was posted to ACJC for PAE. Honestly I was indeed rather skeptical about the fact that I was put into ACJC. Afterall, it's not really the most obvious choice of schools for a SAP student cos of the language problem. But then again, I suppose I didn't have much probs cos of my wonderful friends in 1AD2. Haha. Yea, people like Marcus Tan Wei Jie and Josh and Vonne and Hannah and Tongs and Julianne and Sara. Life was great then. Oh yea, turned 17. Can't really remember much. Haha.

Feb - Let's see. Fun-O-Rama was the highlight of this month. Did lots of prep stuff for this event. 1AD2 rocked my socks cos we were having lots of fun planning and executing stuff. O level results were out. Got a staggering 16. Very bad. Had to appeal using CO, in order to stay in ACJC. Did exactly that and successfully entered ACJC via CCA.

March - The start of JC life. Well, I must say that the transition was rather hard, adding to the fact that I hadn't been studying since who-knows-when. Haha. Had my first ever JC tests. It was rather interesting I must say. Not because I did well but because of the number of tests that were bombarding me. Was posted to ACJC Arts stream and to which class? 1AA5!! It seemed that AA5 was the worst Arts class due to the fact that we had the most amount of appeal students and DSA scholars. But, we'll see what happens. =)

April - Hmm, can't really remember much for this particular month. Not really sure what happened anyway. LOL. So let's just skip this month.

May - School starts to take its toil on me. I'm starting to dread coming to school due to the amount of work that we had to do. Sighs. Terms were hovering over us. Stress level hits new heights. I remember telling people that Terms' more stressful than O levels. Boy, was I wrong.

June - Holidays. But wait. What holiday? Haha. Had to study practically everyday due to the fact that Terms start right after holidays. CO concert Encore was a blast. =) Oh yea, started to develop a certain liking for someone.

July - Terms. Sighs. Did rather alright I guess. Didn't really fail any paper or subject. That's the only consolation. Sighs. Had to work even harder. Harder than usual.

August - National Day celebration's the one thing that pops into my mind. Haha. Maybe it's cos of the fact that our class went high. Very high. Ha. Oh yea, and Jerome's solo.

September - Suddenly everyone starts to worry about Promos. Well, let's see what I was doing. Slacking and lagging as though Promos begins next year. Haha. Our class starts to piss teachers off but yet at the same time bond. That's nice! Haha. Sadly though our class began to split into 2 major cliques, the more hyper and ON Lit group and the a bit distant and not so HYPED Geog group. Haha. Funny thing is, some people are actually in the Lit clique but they don't take Lit! Haha. That's just damn fun. Haha.

October - Oh my gosh. Promos. Yes. The big word. Stress level hits an all new level. Yes. It's officially more stressful than O levels. Damn..

November - Did rather alright for Promos. ACDDDD. Haha. Not toooooo bad I suppose? Ended project work!! YEA!! Haha. Our main source of sleepless nights. Had A level Chinese paper.

December - Well, lots of things happened. Like erm, going to Taiwan and meeting new people and having new responsibilities and also learning new things. Got really sad cos of some stuff and people. But then, it's all over. No more eh? =)

And so, that was a brief round-up of the year. Well, I decided to tell people stuff that they never did know for the year 2006. That includes telling people how I feel about them and stuff like that. Yea. But that's to let them know cos I'll be starting all over again. Things are going to start from the beginning. Yea. So look forward dudes! 2007 is here, to stay. Haha.

-js-

Taiwan 2006

2006-12-23T19:12:00.000+08:00

Hey guys. I'm back. It's been rather fun. Here are the pictures. Due to some fucking reasons, the other 130 pictures cannot be used. Don't ask or I'll wrench your neck off. And I haven't been in the best of moods these days. Enjoy.

Shi-Lin Ye Shi with Darrell

Shi-Lin Ye Shi

Windy

My hands look gay

Police

Yummy.

Whales. =P

Night view of Shangri-La Resort

Hi mum

Need I say more?

Squat!

Nice lil Piggy

Hi mum

Waterfall

Fall on me Water!!

Pictures from the National Park

Long Teng Hu Yue

KaoHsiung =)

Tell me that's not a Primary School

We're hot like cannons

Old Streets of An Ping

5 Star Hotel!!

That's me with a tribe-girl

Mum and a tribe-girl who happens to be 26. (",)

On board a ship. Those fingers ain't mine by the way

Taiei 101 =)

I'm a Stone Kid!

My ever cool tour guide and me on the last night in Taipei.
The entrance of the Taipei 101 tower. How cool is that? Who else other than the Guo Fu Sun?
Sexy Darrell
Spastic Me

Yea, so that's about all for USABLE pictures. Oh by the way, I saw a girl who works at one of the hotels who looked exactly like Val. How interesting.

-js-

Fuck Relationships

2006-12-16T00:08:00.000+08:00

The following's a pretty vulgar entry. It happens to also be the the last entry before I fly off and be back on the 24th. So yea. Here goes.

Guess it's true that we try not to let the people we care for feel awkward and also not put them in a difficult position. But then again, I'm pretty sure she's trying her best not to get those hints. My gosh. Sounds as though I know her inside out.

Does it really mean that things will be better when we're older? And that it's best to leave such things till when we're older? Well, I guess it all boils down to how you handle it. But it's really fucking hard to stay positive when you get such messages across.

It's damn fucking retarded when the person tells you exactly what you don't want to hear. Oh fuck. I so wanted to just tell her that what's going on. Oh fuck.

Let this holiday be a breather then. Get away from school work, get away from CO and more importantly get away from all the retarded problems. Fuck off problems!

Fuck relationships. Big time.

-----------------------

I'll be back on the 24th. Till then, take care people. And have fun for the last day of CO for 2006!!Haha. Cya guys. <3

-js-

Chat Log

2006-12-14T23:20:00.000+08:00

I was reading some chat logs just a couple of days ago. I kinda remembered lots of stuff that were discussed with certain people. I must admit it was rather interesting. I didn't realise that I actually started on my ADVENTURE ever since 20th June. Haha. Till now it's still rather Coke-bottled. But things are starting to improve already! Well, at least that's for me.

I'm leaving on Saturday but I haven't been to the movies yet! Argh.

-js-

CO Games

2006-12-08T00:31:00.000+08:00

CO games ended with a bang. It's nice. Yea, it really is. Had lots of fun with the CO people. Really glad to be able to spend time with them. But then, I have to say that I'm disappointed with some people. Sighs. Nevermind. Skip.

Haven't been studying at all. This is really bad. Sighs. I need to start studying.

Leaving in 2 weeks time. How interesting eh? Movie anyone?

-js-

Cold Cold Conversations

2006-12-05T00:23:00.000+08:00

It's kinda sad that everytime I wanna say something some random thought pulls me back. Cold cold conversations. It's starting to get tiring. Seems like every conversation ends off on the same note and starts similarly to the previously one. It's always the mundane things and issues that kick starts each and every conversation. How interesting eh?

Time's running out. I'll be in Taiwan before I know it. It'll be too late by then.

-js-

Dreading of a CCA

2006-12-01T01:38:00.000+08:00

It's back. That feeling of dreading to go to school. Oh my gosh. I thought it would not be back after going through so much with AA5 and stuff. But then, it's back. This time, it ain't 'cos of school work. It's cos of commitments. Now dudes, this IS serious.

Reflecting on what my RVCO senior, who happened to be my President as well said, I realised that I'm going through the same thing right now. Quote from Xiumin, "I wish you'd find that passion for CO before I step down. I really don't want to see you lose your passion for it." Back then in 2003, I was part of Logistics. Our job was to make sure the chairs and conductor's stand and what-have-you-nots were ready for Combined. I decided to skip a combined session one afternoon, 'cos I really dreaded going for it. I didn't know why, but I just didn't want to go for that particular session. In fact, I didn't even want to go for any other future sessions. It so happened to be the norm for the RVCO President to ask for reasons from those who were absent, and me being part of the Comm, my Pres decided to talk to me. She asked, as usual, in her nice voice and patient way, why I didn't attend. I actually lost passion for CO.

So why am I digging it all up again? Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that what I'm going through now seems to be the same as what I've been through last time. Deja Vu at it's minimum I suppose, if you do want to even call it that. But what made me find that passion back for CO was the fact that I could feel goosebumps during each and every combined. Not only combined but even sectionals. Now that's scary. I went back to RVCO just the other day and I just realised how much I've missed RVCO. Gone are the days, as I said about hearing 6 or even 8 suonas. It's not the magnitude or intonation of the notes, it's the way the notes fuse together to form something that is so unique and different from other people's music. I felt that sense of belonging. I felt that I was appreciated, well I think so. Ha.

Not that I don't feel appreciated in ACCO. But the feeling's so very different. Till now I still wonder if I should have stayed in JJC and play Basketball. It's something I have always wanted to do, play Sports in JC. But then, I suppose my intellectual capacity doesn't warrent me that chance eh? Did I make the right choice to step forward? Did I make the right choice in choosing ACJC? Lots of questions pop up but only 1 thing is certain. I DID make the right choice to join CO when I was in RV. RVCO will always be the right choice. I've made many many many and I say many wrong choices in life till now but joining RVCO was and will always be the right choice. People from RVCO had this very special attitude towards CO. I don't know why but they are always so committed to their own brand of music. That, I have to respect. *salutes*

I'm not sure if it's 'cos I've extra responsibilities or whatsoever but I'm kinda certain that it's not because I have extra work and burden on my shoulders. It's just that I can't seem to adapt to the way things are done in this particular CO. The entire CCA knows that I have something against the conductor and even the seniors know that I seem to always clash with him. I backtracked all the way to 2002. Was I like that when I was in RVCO? When did I not respect the conductors and give them that "talk-to-me-and-I'll-slap-you" attitude? Maybe moodswings, but not to the extent of locking myself in the store room for half and hour! Goodness gracious.

Thinking back about the things I learnt from CCAAB, I realised that it's all just theory. Much as people can come tell you that you have to do things and much as seniors can arrange 1 to 1 talks with you to prep you up, it's all just theory. Practicality of the issue differs from theory. I'll be the first person to agree and admit, even though I know it's going to have a negative impact on people and stuff, that I'm starting to dread my CCA. I'm risking my position, I'm risking everything that I have worked so hard for. Why? 'cos I reckon that it's important that I'm honest about how I feel towards things. If not, I might as well not lead people. That's my style. It's up to me to find it back, it's up to me to like it again. It's up to me.

Since Jie and the rest went to Thailand for their holiday, I've been rather lonely. Not physically but as in emotionally, if I can say so myself. I realised that I didn't have anyone to complain to, well maybe the RV gang. But, it's different. I needed Jie's knowledge of stuff to help me tide over things.

But what can be worse than not having Saint around to cheer me up? My mum and dad wouldn't know what's going on and I certainly do not want to make them worried. Saint, lil saint. Where are you? Clouds go by, water flows. Only Saint stays, as I grow. Well, that's what I hope will happen.

I guess the late night's taking it's toil on my lethargic self. This is so not good. Move on! Push on! Get a book, read, get yourself enlightened! Yea, like that will work.

Coke-bottled. Serious. Too many things, too little ways of letting them all out. Period.

-js-

These days

2006-11-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

These days haven't been productive at all. It all boils down to attitude and also laziness. Wait. What attitude do I have when all I do at home includes playing computer games and listening to whatever music that comes out from the hi-fi in the bedroom? Nothing much really. Oh yea. Maybe, just maybe if you include trying to kill a certain mosquitoe in the room, then maybe these days have been rather productive. Oh my gosh. My life seems to be a bore. One wonders why. Sighs. It's okay. Another few more days and things won't be so bad anymore! Yea. But then again, am I really sure it will be better? Not really sure eh?

Been having CO for the past few days. It's starting to take its toil on me. CO doesn't seem to be the same anymore. No more RVCO stuff. Oh come on, you've graduated already. Maybe that's what they call bonds. Gone are the days where I get to hear 6 basses play together. Gone are the days where I get to hear 8 suonas playing. Gone are the days, where I get to hear 20 xianyue people playing together. Oh my. Let's just move on. Shall we?

It's been a slow week. Time seems to pass by really slowly. 10 to 10. Get it? Wonder how's saint doing now. Hope Saint's doing well. =)

Hugging pooh. Cool stuff. Seems to be the only consolation eh?

-js-

Weird Day

2006-11-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

It's been a weird day today. Gym session was cancelled at the last moment. Sighs. Nevermind, I'll just have to do cardio tomorrow.

Well, any idea how 1 word or 1 alphabet changes everything? I suppose every single lil detail's important. Yea. So lil time, so much to do. Crap. Things ain't really going the way they should be. Argh crap. Nevermind.

I'll just look forward to this Saturday. I'll buy my stuff.

-js-

Gym

2006-11-21T23:57:00.000+08:00

Started the day with a hearty breakfast today. Haha. It's been a long time since I last had a decent breakfast that would satisfy me. One wonders why eh? Haha. Had 3 eggs altogether! Oh my gosh. I was trying to stock up protein. Haha.

I decided that today's the day to start to work out. Decided to meet XiangWei at 1130 at Jurong East this morning to make our way down to school. Met him, chatted with him and basically did all the rubbish stuff on the train like trying to imitate certain people. Haha.

Well, we gymed for about 45 mins. Didn't really concentrate on one body part but instead tried to do 3 sets per machine. Didn't really push myself all the way. Hmm. I suppose I will have to work even harder on Thursday. Yups. It's all in the bid to get myself fitter and also to make myself look better. LOL! Hey, what's wrong with trying to look better? It adds to something called confidence okay? Haha. Yea. You'd feel better when you walk on the streets as well. Well, at least that's for me. Yea.

-js-

CCAAB Camp

2006-11-20T10:29:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm back from CCAAB camp. At least I'm back in one piece. Well, I suppose the entire camp's rather interesting 'cos of all the people. We kinda like got pumped and punished for practically everything. Haha. Yea. Kinda sad eh? But I suppose it's so as to let us know how lax we actually are. Hmm. Unworthy leaders I suppose? But now, we know what's expected of us and how we are suppose to do things. Yea.

Lil saint insists that she's a lil saint goddess. Like, r-i-g-h-t. Haha. =P

-js-

Camp

2006-11-14T21:58:00.000+08:00

I'll be away from Wednesday till Sunday for CCAAB camp. So I won't be able to reply you guys on MSN and stuff.

Meanwhile, please take care of yourself guys. For those who are going overseas, all the best! =)
And to that lil saint out there, please please please please please take care of yourself and don't get yourself upset k?

Till next time, cya guys! Hope I return in one piece..

-js-

Relationships

2006-11-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

I guess today was rather well spent, apart from the times I got so frustrated and irritated with myself that I nearly pulled my hair out. So, in a bid to calm myself down, I decided to play the organ! Yups! It's been a long time since I last did that to calm myself down. Decided to play 童话. Finished the first part of it before it changes into another key. Rather pleased with myself I have to say! But my fingers got all cramped up and tired after that. Price to pay for nice songs I suppose.

It's when certain people start to occupy themselves, resulting in them not being able to keep in contact with you that you find that they don't really have much an impact afterall. But then again, who's to say that the absence won't make one think more about the existing issue? It's all bottled-up. Stifled. Sometimes all we wish for is to have someone to pop up on MSN and ask, "Hey, how's everything?" That's all. Well, not all the time. But you know, when things don't go right and when the whole seems like it's against you.

Much as people do come and comfort you when you need it, it might not always work. Well, I suppose it's because it ain't the right person? I mean, Mum and Dad are perfect for the job but then again, it takes that special someone to come by and just simple ask, "hey, how's everything?" Much as it seems general by asking everything, it's better than not asking at all I suppose?

We all have different goals in life. Some people want to get their first million by 25, while some wants to get married by 23 and have kids by 25. For me, well. I just want to live my life unlike how I lived the first 16 years. Seriously, this year seems rather meaningful to me. Well, maybe not fully but at least comparitively, it's better off than the previous few.

But at times it seems that one should not just go about doing what he likes. Afterall, we do have to think about the consequences. Not only how good things would turn out if we were to take the chance but also how things will turn bad. Much as you have lots of things to say to someone don't do it. Not because it's going to be real bad. But 'cos of the fact that you're going to lose more than you're able to gain potentially. If it's possible, keep it to yourself.

Any idea why Coke bottles are so tightly screwed and sealed? 'cos it's to prevent all that sweet stuff from exploding from the bottle even before the person's ready to consume it all. But won't it expire? Yes it will. But even if it expires, it's just going to turn sour. That's alll. And the Coke bottle will just be left there on the shelf, with the person deciding to pick another bottle of Coke. That's life. Coke-bottled.

-js-